NEWS FLASH: Babies can’t spell and neither can you

Regular Kitchen Sink contributor Robin Wolaner sent us this hideously bad name for a baby clothing company that made us throw up a little bit it our mouth: Speesees. Ewwww.

According to the Speesees website, they came up with that name because (we are not making this up…) “s-p-e-e-s-e-e-s is the way a baby would spell 'species', if a baby could spell.” NEWS FLASH: Babies can’t spell and neither can you. It just goes to show you how bad naming happens when babies and eco-freaks lock themselves in a room with drinks and pizza until they come up with a name.

Apparently the sub-species folks over at Speesees are starting a de-evolution revolution by destroying literacy, one baby tee at a time. In 2003 they had a “series of phonetically-spelled animal species ('chik, 'kid, 'see hors, 'pup, je' raf), featuring an animal speesees on the front of a garment and its phonetic pronunciation on the back.” That’s just stoo- pid.

You may be able to buy some organic, fair trade duds for your little monkey there and save the planet in the process, but you’ll ruin his or her chance for literacy forever.

We suspect the real reason why they have such a leym name was because the domain wasn’t available on GoDaddy for $9.95. (Species.com is a tiny group of nerds that reposts articles about cataloguing animal and plant life – these guys probably would have sold their domain for a few hundred bucks since most of them have reached puberty.)

For a more evolved name, Speesees should have come to Eat My Words. They still have a shot of having us get them a lot of word of mouth though – they are our top contender for our Head Scratcher of the Year Award.

Alexandra's new vanity plate

Introducing our newest megawatt name: Illumineering™

We have never been asked to name a psychotherapy before, but Eat My Words is always up for a challenge. Renowned coach and psychotherapist Lauren Mackler, (and best-selling author of the book we named "Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life), asked us to name her new therapy, which is based on the premise that when we're born, we are whole, integrated human beings with tremendous potential. As Lauren explained to us, "Growing up, we respond to our life conditioning by adopting habitual patterns of thought and behavior, many of which erode our innate wholeness. We carry these patterns into adulthood, and they shape our feelings, relationships, lives, and careers. Illumineering™ is a groundbreaking coaching method that integrates family systems work, psychodynamic psychology, and coaching." After exploring a wide range of names, we discovered that combining the words "Illuminate" and "Engineering," created the perfect word to describe this process: Illumineering. Illumineering™ Relationship Coaching helps people break free of their self-defeating patterns, develop strong interpersonal skills, and create the quality of relationships to which they aspire. Lauren also has developed Illumineering™ Executive Coaching, Illumineering™ Career Coaching, and Illumineering™ Life Coaching.

Wanted for TV: Estranged Family Members Who Would Like To Repair Their Relationship
A national TV news show is doing a segment on Lauren working with estranged family members. They’re looking for 2 estranged family members who would like to repair their relationship. It can be a couple, a parent and child (20s+), or siblings. The estranged pair will spend 3 days working with Lauren, during which she’ll use her Illumineering method to help them identify and address the root causes of the issues that led to the estrangement, and concrete actions they can take to build a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.

If you or someone you know is estranged with a family member and is interested in being part of this groundbreaking segment (which will include working with Lauren on camera), please send an email to info@laurenmackler.com and tell her you were referred by Eat My Words.

Spicy Eat My Words Fallapalooza Party - Photos Now Posted

On a perfect Indian Summer evening last Friday, more than 60 clients and friends came over for our 3rd annual Fallapalooza Paella Party. What a blast! Held on our spacious party patio, guests dined on delicious chorizo chick peas, succulent mushrooms, caprisi salad with fresh mozzarella and garden tomatoes, and of course, the culinary centerpiece, Spanish paella cooked before our eyes by the always entertaining Chef Ciado. (We named his business - Paella Party.). Beverages (named by Eat My Words, of course) included Fall Down Drunk, Red October, and the always popular, Mother Pucker. Thanks to everyone who made this the best Fallapalooza party yet.

Click here to relive the fun or see more of what you missed.

Client Charlene Li's book, Groundswell, wins 2009 Marketing Book of the Year!

Congratulations to Charlene Li of Altimeter Group (a company named by Eat My Words), for winning the American Marketing Association's 2009 prize for best marketing book of the year for her groundbreaking book, Groundswell: Winning in a World Transformed by Social Technologies.

(CHICAGO, IL, October 15, 2009) — The American Marketing Association Foundation (AMAF) announces Groundswell: Winning in a World Transformed by Social Technologies (Harvard Business Press) as the recipient of the 2009 Berry-AMA Book Prize for the best book in marketing.

Groundswell, by Charlene Li and Josh Bernoff, explains how to turn the force of customers connecting via social technologies, the groundswell, to your own advantage. Through the use of case studies, Li and Bernoff show how leading companies are gaining insights, generating revenue, saving money, and energizing their customers through social technologies such as blogs, YouTube, Facebook, and wikis. Groundswell provides targeted advice with ROI, which makes this book a critical starting point for companies developing a social technology strategy.

Li previously served as a Vice President and Principal Analyst at Forrester Research, a technology and market research company that provides pragmatic advice to global leaders in business and technology. In 2008, she founded the Altimeter Group, a strategy consulting firm that provides a pragmatic approach to emerging technologies to companies. Bernoff is Senior Vice President, Idea Development at Forrester Research and is responsible for identifying, developing, and promoting some of the company's most influential and forward-looking ideas.

Order Groundswell here.

Grounds For Optimism: I Have a Bean coffee featured in Chicago Tribune

The Chicago Tribune wrote a wonderful piece on the story behind Second Chance Coffee Company, makers of the brand we named "I Have a Bean." Enjoy!

Getting a job is one of the toughest parts of post-prison life. But a tiny coffee roasting company in Wheaton is doing what it can to give former offenders a fresh start.

By Joan Cary
Special to the Tribune
October 14, 2009

In 2007, three Wheaton men, Pete Leonard, Ron deVries and Dave Scavotto, met for their weekly breakfast and came up with an idea for a small business that would provide fresh coffee and fresh starts.

Fresh start: Each had witnessed the plight of former prisoners in the job market.

Fresh coffee: Each enjoys a cup, although Leonard was more passionate about it than the others.

In August, after 2 1/2 years of brewing over it, they opened Second Chance Coffee Co. with two primary goals: to roast the best and freshest coffee, and to give former prisoners a chance at reliable employment.

"Starting a small business in a down economy and hiring ex-offenders? I'd say hard. Very hard," said Leonard,

Kraft cans iSnack 2.0

Kitchen Sink fan Igal Gabbay tipped us off to this naming mistake from our friends down under...

Consumers aren't happy little vegemites with the new name of Kraft's cream cheese and Vegemite blend.

Vegemite maker Kraft Foods has binned the name of its new product line iSnack 2.0.

In a statement this afternoon, the company said it had listened to the public and would go back to the drawing board.

An announcement about another name will be made on Friday.

"We have been overwhelmed by the passion for Vegemite and the new product," said Kraft Foods Australia/New Zealand head of corporate affairs, Simon Talbot.

"The new name has simply not resonated with Australians. Particularly the modern technical aspects associated with it."

iSnack 2.0 was chosen from 48,000 suggestions made as part of a public naming competition run by the company.

It has been roundly lambasted by the consumer public, however, spawning Facebook hate groups, blogs and angry Tweets on micro-blogging site Twitter.

T-shirts trashing the name have also gone on sale on the internet.

Vegemite has been manufactured in Australia since 1923. The new variant, launched in July under a 'Name Me' label, includes a cream cheese blend to make it more spreadable.

Kraft has denied the naming disaster was an attempt to gain free publicity for the product, which was due to go on sale with the new label today.

"At no point in time has the new Vegemite name been about initiating a media publicity stunt," Mr Talbot said.

"We are proud custodians of Vegemite, and have always been aware that it is the people's brand and a national icon.

"Our Kraft Foods storeroom currently has thousands of jars of the iSnack2.0 named Vegemite. This product will be distributed around Australia, and will continue to be sold in supermarkets for months to come - until Australia decides upon a new name."

Consumers in Australia and New Zealand will get another go at choosing a name, he said.

"Please bear with us for the next 48 hours as we finalise how Australians and New Zealanders can decide the new name through an independent popularity vote."

We have everything but the Kitchen Sink

The Kitchen Sink blog received this inquiry today from a spelling-challenged person who has been whiffing too much Liquid Plumber...

Dear Sir/Madam
My name is (name withheld to protect the confused) and i will like to know wether u have Kitchen sinks and also the brands tht u carry as well as the most cheapest instock.and if u do have this brand let me know the price American Standard Culinaire 33 In. x 22 In. Stainless Steel Double Bowl Kitchen Sink 18 gauge, 18/10 stainless steel material Double bowl design

And also do u take credit card as payment as welll.
I will be expecting a email from you.
Thank you

Who wants to eat at Crabby Dicks?

Thanks to our pal Rich Binell of Get Rich Quick (one of our favorite business names) for sending us photos of racy restaurant names. Our favorite one: Crabby's Dicks, a Delaware landmark who is monetizing their name with t-shirts and attracting customers with free balls.

New "Head Scratcher of the Year" Contender: Chyngle

OMG, their name as confusing as what they do... "Chyngle is the first mobile location-based service to provide a venue branded ultra-local experience for users to interact and exchange value with each other and their surroundings within what we call Ultra-Local Environments™ or ULE's." Huh?

Too bad the Chynglers didn't see this before they paid $14.95 for their domain name...

The Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test (as seen in The Wall Street Journal), is based on our philosophy that a name should make you smile, instead of scratch your head.

SMILE if your name has these 5 success factors:

Simple – one easy-to-understand concept - NO

Meaningful – your customers instantly "get it" - NO

Imagery – visually evocative - creates a mental picture - NO

Legs – carries the brand, lends itself to wordplay - NO

Emotional – empowers, entertains, engages, enlightens - NO

SCRATCH it if it has any of these deal-breakers:

Spelling-challenged – not intuitive - CHECK

Copycat – similar to competitor's names

Random – disconnected from the brand - CHECK

Annoying – hidden meaning, forced - CHECK

Tame – flat, uninspired, boring, non-emotional - CHECK

Curse of Knowledge – only insiders get it - CHECK

Hard-to-pronounce – not obvious - CHECK

Thanks to our buddy Paul K. for sending us this doozie.

Here Comes Trouble - Naughtiest School Boy and Mean Girl Names

From BBC News

Teachers spot trouble in a name

British teachers think they can tell which pupils are likely to play up by looking at their names, a survey suggests.

The poll of 3,000 teachers found more than one in three expected pupils with certain names to be more disruptive.

Pupils called Callum, Connor, Jack, Chelsea, Courtney and Chardonnay were among some of the ones to watch.

The online survey by parenting club Bounty.com found 49% of UK teachers made assumptions about a child when they first looked down the register.

But it is not all bad news, with 57% of the teachers surveyed saying the naughtier children tended to be more popular than their better behaved peers.

More than a third said the naughtiest pupils were often the brightest and the more sensitive.

Naughty list

Many teachers (69%) said they had difficulty pronouncing some of the more obscure names chosen by parents.

And 71% of teachers admitted to have a private chuckle over some of the more unusual names.

The survey also asked teachers what the brightest children tended to be called, with Alexander, Adam, Christopher, Benjamin, Edward, Elizabeth, Charlotte, Emma, Hannah and Rebecca coming in as the brainiest names.

Names of the most popular children in the class included Jack, Daniel, Charlie, Callum, Emma, Charlotte, Hannah and Anna.

Faye Mingo from Bounty.com said: "Teachers are only human and make assumptions like the rest of us.

"Rightly or wrongly, most of us make assumptions based on something as simple as a person's name and we base these on our previous experiences.

"It's only natural for teachers to make judgments based on the behaviour and performance of former pupils with the same name, but I'm sure that they are happy for to be proved wrong."

Introducing Hand Job, a cheeky new nail salon in the Castro

Introducing Hand Job, a cheeky new nail salon that's smack in the heart of San Francisco's gay mecca, the Castro. Like our other "risque" brand name, Spoon Me frozen yogurt, Hand Job has tremendous potential to be monetized through the sale of lotions, potions, polish, t-shirts, totes, and anything else you can slap the logo on and ring up at the register. The jaw-dropping tourists on Castro Street are scooping it up. (Trust me, they do not sell Hand Job tea towels at the Mall of America.) Special thanks to John Luckett for designing a logo that's playful yet sophisticated and lets the name speak for itself. We love the bold red color, which will make for sleek and sexy holiday and Valentine gifts.

You would have to be really thirsty to drink this...

A photo submitted from our pal Rich Binell of Get Rich Quick!

50 Funny Store Names (with photos)!

Best Week Ever scoured the internet and pulled together these 50 store names that have fun with puns. Enjoy!

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46 More Pun Stores (Seriously) After the cut.

And they’re pretty much all brilliant.

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