Showing posts with label Head Scratchers (Name Shame Hall of Fame). Show all posts
Showing posts with label Head Scratchers (Name Shame Hall of Fame). Show all posts

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Vote for the worst brand name of the year in our catty Headscratcher Contest

Vote for the worst brand name of 2009 in our third annual Headscratcher of the Year contest. Past winners include Xobni and Shryk. How can you tell if a name sucks? It's hard to spell, pronounce, decipher, meaningless to the audience, void of emotion, a copycat, or just gives you the heebie jeebies. (See the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test for more criteria.)

Vote as many times as you like, and please share this with your friends. The winner will be announced in early February and be awarded a hideously ugly Head Scratcher of the Year trophy, compliments of Eat My Words.

Monday, November 23, 2009

NEWS FLASH: Babies can’t spell and neither can you



Regular Kitchen Sink contributor Robin Wolaner sent us this hideously bad name for a baby clothing company that made us throw up a little bit it our mouth: Speesees. Ewwww.

According to the Speesees website, they came up with that name because (we are not making this up…) “s-p-e-e-s-e-e-s is the way a baby would spell 'species', if a baby could spell.” NEWS FLASH: Babies can’t spell and neither can you. It just goes to show you how bad naming happens when babies and eco-freaks lock themselves in a room with drinks and pizza until they come up with a name.

Apparently the sub-species folks over at Speesees are starting a de-evolution revolution by destroying literacy, one baby tee at a time. In 2003 they had a “series of phonetically-spelled animal species ('chik, 'kid, 'see hors, 'pup, je' raf), featuring an animal speesees on the front of a garment and its phonetic pronunciation on the back.” That’s just stoo- pid.

You may be able to buy some organic, fair trade duds for your little monkey there and save the planet in the process, but you’ll ruin his or her chance for literacy forever.

We suspect the real reason why they have such a leym name was because the domain wasn’t available on GoDaddy for $9.95. (Species.com is a tiny group of nerds that reposts articles about cataloguing animal and plant life – these guys probably would have sold their domain for a few hundred bucks since most of them have reached puberty.)

For a more evolved name, Speesees should have come to Eat My Words. They still have a shot of having us get them a lot of word of mouth though – they are our top contender for our Head Scratcher of the Year Award.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

New "Head Scratcher of the Year" Contender: Chyngle


OMG, their name as confusing as what they do... "Chyngle is the first mobile location-based service to provide a venue branded ultra-local experience for users to interact and exchange value with each other and their surroundings within what we call Ultra-Local Environments™ or ULE's." Huh?

Too bad the Chynglers didn't see this before they paid $14.95 for their domain name...


The Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test (as seen in The Wall Street Journal), is based on our philosophy that a name should make you smile, instead of scratch your head.

SMILE if your name has these 5 success factors:

Simple – one easy-to-understand concept - NO

Meaningful – your customers instantly "get it" - NO

Imagery – visually evocative - creates a mental picture - NO

Legs – carries the brand, lends itself to wordplay - NO

Emotional – empowers, entertains, engages, enlightens - NO

SCRATCH it if it has any of these deal-breakers:

Spelling-challenged – not intuitive - CHECK

Copycat – similar to competitor's names

Random – disconnected from the brand - CHECK

Annoying – hidden meaning, forced - CHECK

Tame – flat, uninspired, boring, non-emotional - CHECK

Curse of Knowledge – only insiders get it - CHECK

Hard-to-pronounce – not obvious - CHECK

Thanks to our buddy Paul K. for sending us this doozie.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

You would have to be really thirsty to drink this...

A photo submitted from our pal Rich Binell of Get Rich Quick!

Friday, April 10, 2009

I must confess that truuconfessions is a truuly dreadful name.

Picture 3
Regular Kitchen Sink contributor Robin Wolaner of TeeBeeDee tipped us off to this truuly dreadful name, truuconfessions, which was clearly the result of someone thinking they were being clever by snagging the domain name for $9.95 on GoDaddy. (The correct spelling, www.trueconfessions.com is parked - why not just pony up the money and save yourselves the nightmare of having to say, "That's 'true' with two u's and no e" every time they tell someone the name. Painfuul.) Too bad the name is so bad as truuconfessions provides hours of fun... Here are some confessions I found under different categories:

Military Wife: I shop too much while my husband is gone. (Posted by "anonymous")

Office: If you say "cool beany weenies" one more time I'm going to staple your mouth shut. Your 40 years old, come on! (Posted by "anonymous")

Mom: It drives me crazy when childless people say "I love my dogs like I would love my kid". How do you know? You don't have a kid off which to base that statement. (Posted by "anonymous")

Bride: I want to kill my MOH! She insisted I try false eyelashes on my wedding day and I foolishly listened to her and had a woman I'd never met come over to put them on. It was such a disaster - I had glue all over my eyelids and I looked like a transvestite with clumpy black long FAKE lashes!!!! (Posted by "anonymous")

Wife: My husband is pissed at me for not making the kids mow the lawn before he came home from work. (Posted by "anonymous")

Obama O's Cereal "Hope In Every Bowl"

Just caught this on Twitter. (Thanks Edith!)

Monday, April 6, 2009

Marketing gurus re-name pollack to boost sales... and call it COLIN

Thanks to Kitchen Sink fan Igal Gabbay for alerting us to the latest naming disaster from the nitwit Brits...

Marketing gurus re-name pollack to boost sales... and call it COLIN
from the salacious tabloid, The Daily Mail
By Sean Poulter
06th April 2009

When the marketing experts at Sainsbury's sat down to the task of trying to boost sales of pollack, they had a brainwave.

'Let's give it a new name,' they said.

Many months and meetings later, the name was chosen - Colin.

Colin (pronounced Col-an) is what the French, who actually can't get enough of Britain's pollack, call the fish once it has been cooked.

It is an interesting choice of name and one which the British shopper may struggle to come to terms with.

Sainsbury's said the exercise is designed to make British consumers add pollack to their shopping list as an alternative to threatened species such as cod.

There is a feeling that the current name is as ugly as the bug-eyed fish itself, while it seems a number of shoppers are wary about asking for pollack.


Read the entire article here...

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Brooklyn Restaurant’s Name Hits a Sour Note


By KAREEM FAHIM
Published: April 3, 2009

To the list of lofty names that glamorize the city’s fried chicken stands, like Crown, Royal and Kennedy, one Brooklyn restaurant owner decided to add another: Obama.

From the restaurant’s perspective, the name change grew out of pride in the new president and a keen sense of commerce. From other perspectives, it was tone-deaf at best, and racist at worst. When the restaurant, Royal Fried Chicken on Rutland Road in Brownsville, changed its name last week to Obama Fried Chicken, the reaction was swift.

“Community leaders came. They told us we have to change the name,” said Mohammad Jabbar, 33, the manager. “They said if you don’t change it they will take action.”

It was the latest outbreak of commercial enthusiasm for President Obama and his family. An Illinois company tried to sell dolls that looked like the president’s daughters, and a Brooklyn brewery, Sixpoint Craft Ales, named a beer Hop Obama in honor of the community organizer in chief.

A few minutes’ drive from Obama Fried Chicken, Obama Beauty Supply opened its doors several months ago. Its owner, Mohammed Seraji, said he was inspired by his children’s enthusiasm for the president, along with Mr. Obama’s popularity in the neighborhood. A Michelle Obama wig he sells, for $49.99, is emerging as a popular item.

A White House spokesman, Ben LaBolt, said in an e-mail message, “The White House has a longstanding policy of disapproving uses of the president’s name and likeness for commercial purposes.”

At the restaurant, Mr. Jabbar, who said he had been a lawyer and university instructor in his native Bangladesh before moving here in January, has, apart from serving food, become Obama Fried Chicken’s spokesman. The owner, he said, did not wish to speak to reporters.

Explaining the decision to rename the restaurant, Mr. Jabbar said that not only was the owner fond of President Obama but that the entire neighborhood also “loved” him.

“From this love, everything is happening,” Mr. Jabbar said, weary from all the attention.

There were support and derision for the unnamed owner along Rutland Road, where most every store hangs a picture of the president, and where, on a rainy Friday, passers-by took cellphone pictures of the rebranded fried chicken stand.

Chantel Harewood, 18, a college student who grew up in the neighborhood, ordered food from Mr. Jabbar and said she liked the new name. “Why not? It’s history,” she said. “All these stereotypes. People got to relax.”

However, Mr. Jabbar said that the restaurant was bowing to the pressure, and that it would be renamed Popular Fried Chicken by the weekend. Ms. Harewood did not think much of the new name. “That’s so blah, predictable, typical,” she said. The current name, she added, gave her “pride.”

In the Au Monde Chic barbershop, where Mr. Obama’s portrait hung on a back wall, Alnord Benoit cut a customer’s hair and called the name change “disrespectful.”

“Did he get permission from Obama?” Mr. Benoit asked.

In a nearby computer store, the manager, Earl Dennis, jokingly said he should rename his place Obama’s Computer Store. “It’s publicity,” Mr. Dennis said. Of the chicken restaurant, he said, “I’m not eating there.”

Competition might have played some role in the new name. Crown Fried Chicken is across the street, owned by Osman Mohibi, 47, an Afghan immigrant. He keeps pictures of Mr. Obama and Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. taped to the plexiglass divider by the cash register.

Mr. Mohibi said his competitor’s misstep was winning new customers for Crown Fried Chicken. “He used the name,” Mr. Mohibi said of the owner. “He used black people.”

Kevin McCall, one of the community organizers who confronted Obama Fried Chicken’s owner, said he received calls from residents disturbed by the sign, and quickly contacted the owner to tell him it was “very offensive to African-Americans.”

The owner told him it would be taken down the next day, Mr. McCall said. When it was not, he contacted the owner again. “I said we would be out there having a rally,” Mr. McCall said.

City Councilman Charles Barron, who was also involved in the effort to change the name, said it was possible that the owner was simply trying to exploit the president’s name. “Fried chicken, watermelon and minstrels are part of the racist stereotyping of black people in America,” he said. “It’s outrageous. You have to be sensitive and knowledgeable.”

At the store on Friday afternoon, Mr. Jabbar served ice cream to teenagers and chicken wings to regulars. He said he did not really understand the pressure to bring down the sign, since everyone who came in the store seemed to like the idea. And he was concerned about what would happen if the community advocates returned.

“I’m new to this country,” he said. “I don’t really know what they could do.”

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Not a good Valentine's Day gift: Fat Pig Chocolate

Mik spotted this little piggy...


Monday, March 23, 2009

Two Mo' Eye Sore Head Scratchers

Picture 3
A newspaper in South Santa Clara, California has created a web design company called ISOARS. Ouch. What's really a shame is they actually have some nice looking web design and a playful personality. But their name is an eye sore and no one wants to have a site that makes their eyes hurt. I mean really, who wants to say their website was designed by what sounds exactly like "Eye Sores"?

It gets worse.

ISOARS created a digital coupon service with an even more cringe-worthy name:

Picture 4
I don't know where to begin with Mo-Quepons. It violates the most important rules of naming. It's hard to spell, pronounce, and downright annoying. And what's with the hyphen? You mean to tell me that www.moquepons.com was taken?!

Please guys, you need to spend mo' time evaluating names and less time thinking you hit the naming jackpot because the domain was available on GoDaddy for $9.95. That is not a good reason to choose a name. We suggest using the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test (as seen in The Wall Street Journal), which is based on our philosophy that a name should make you smile, instead of scratch your head.

SMILE - the qualities of a powerful name:
Simple – one easy-to-understand concept
Meaningful – your customers instantly "get it"
Imagery – visually evocative - creates a mental picture
Legs – carries the brand, lends itself to wordplay
Emotional – e.g. empowers, entertains, engages, enlightens

SCRATCH it off the list if it has any of these deal-breakers:
Spelling-challenged – you have to tell people how to spell it
Copycat – similar to competitor's names
Random – disconnected from the brand
Annoying – hidden meaning, forced
Tame – flat, uninspired, boring, non-emotional
Curse of Knowledge – only insiders get it
Hard-to-pronounce – not obvious, relies on punctuation

---
If you'd like to see some great names that past the test, check out the names created by Eat My Words - now these are a site for sore eyes!
---
Thanks to my NSA ProTrack buddy Jim Carrillo for tipping me off to theses two doozies...

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The onomatopoeia for a phlegmy cough

Mik was in the hippie health section of the grocery store yesterday and came across this Head Scratcher, Umcka. I believe "umcka" is the sound one makes when trying to clear phlegm from their throat, making this irritating name an onomatopoeia, or what is also called imitative harmony (or in this case, an irritative
harmony). An onomatopoeia is a word that imitates the sound it is describing, such as noises like "oink," "meow," and in this case, "umcka."

Umcka is "new to the US," from Germany, the same country that brought us "Obama Fingers" and Wienerschnitzel.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Scientists need to stop naming things


The latest entry into the Eat My Words Name Shame Hall of fame is a Scitable, new elearning portal from the prestigious Nature Publishing Group, the world's leading publisher of science. Created by mad scientists, this name was tested on lab rats.

Thanks to Igal for alerting us to this unfortunate blunder.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Open Source - say it outloud - yikes!

Open Source sounds like Open Sores. Ouch!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Announcing the worst name of 2008

What happens when software engineers drink and play Scrabble?
Thanks to all of you who voted in the 2008 Head Scratcher "worst name of the year" contest. This cheeky annual award, created by naming firm Eat My Words (that would be us), is inspired by our no-brainer philosophy, "A name should make you smile, instead of scratch your head." Contenders are judged on their "ick factor" and ability to pass the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test, which has been featured in Wall Street Journal, a fact that we like to mention as often as possible.

Drumroll please...

E1234118741 The name that chalked up the most votes was a new "financial literacy" site for children out of Oklahoma named Shryk. A name that made us shriek.


The tacky pink trophy was ready to be engraved and then...

Another drumroll please...
We were tipped off that Shryk renamed themselves with an even worse name: iThryv.

E1234072834 Whaaaaaat? Did one of their software engineers say, "Hey, we need a name with vowels so let's get drunk and play Scrabble again"? (Why not iShryk?) The website explains it all by saying "Shryk changed the name of the corporation to iThryv in an effort to dispel any confusion related to the name of the company versus the name of the product. Now, when someone mentions iThryv -- you know they are talking about financial literacy." HELLO! What about regular literacy?! The name iThryv is so severely spelling-challenged that an entire generation of children are not going to know that the word "thrive" is spelled with vowels. Isn't it already tragic enough that "No Child Left Behind" didn't work and kids don't know how to spell "flicker" or "delicious"? And sorry iThryv, the "i" doesn't buy you a vowel. Beginning your company name with an "i or an "e" is so 1998. Just like iStockPhoto and eHarmony, the name iThryv screams, "WE'RE ON THE INTERNET!" Yeah, everyone is. If iThryv is still "thryving" 20 years from now, the name will sound even more ridiculous than it does today.

How can you avoid a Head Scratcher award?
Tip #1: Your company name needs to spelled exactly as is sounds. As anyone from iThryv, Takkle, Xobni, or countless other dot coms will reluctantly admit, when you have to verbally spell out your name (and silly-sounding email address) for people, it's embarrassing and annoying. And if it's annoying for you, how do you think your customers feel when they type the name they hear in their browser and discover what iThrive is?

For more tips on when to scratch your name of the list, check out our Kitchen Sink Blog and the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test, which has been featured in Wall Street Journal, a fact that we like to mention as often as possible.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Radisson Blu It

We are all for name changes. In fact we encourage it, in many cases. However, this one from Radisson is odd. First take a look at this from their website:


"As time goes by, your much loved Radisson SAS Hotels & Resorts will change their name to Radisson Blu. This is not a revolution but a gentle evolution. A small graphical change that is significant only in that it reflects a corporate transaction of a few years ago that brought about the natural end of Radisson's links with the SAS Group.

Our values remain the same, our beliefs are the same, our ambitions are the same, our people are the same, our hotels are the same, and our Blu box that allows us to stand out from the global Radisson crowd, remains the same. The world's favourite colour will soon come to represent a cool, calm and collective Radisson hotel experience. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Radisson Blu, you'll soon forget it was ever known as anything else."

If that isn't clear, Gordon McKinnon vice-president of branding explains: “Our customers are used to a difference between Radisson SAS and simply Radisson and we wanted to keep that differentiation there by using “Blu” in the title, in reference to the previous use of a blue box in the logo.” He also said he hoped the rebrand would win more customers.

What?

Let's suspend reality for a moment and say that that makes sense. OK, why BLU and not BLUE or even BLEU for that European flair? It just looks like someone forgot to type the "e".

P.S. Hey cybersquatters!

Radisson

Friday, December 12, 2008

Vote For the Worst Brand Name of 2008

All year long we compile the biggest brand name "Head Scratchers" in our blog. Now you can vote for the worst one and help induct it into the Eat My Words Name Shame Hall of Fame. Based on criteria from the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH name evaluation test, here are what we consider to be the top ten offenders that we've discovered this year:






Airphoria - a new "airline experience"

Authonomy - post your manuscript online

Chumby - a newfangled Linux-based gadget

Cuil - a not so cool search engine name

Cranergy - Ocean Spray's latest trainwreck

Naymz - a professional "reputation network"

Salesify - the new name for SalesBuild

Shryk - online banking platform

Traackr - social networking popularity site

VivaKy - integrated digital media universe

Please vote for the worst here. (Write in candidates welcome.) We'll announce the winner in our blog in late-January. The company behind the winning name will receive a big pink trophy, courtesy of Eat My Words. (We're still waiting for our thank you note from last year's winner, Xobni.) NOTE: Feel free to post this in your blog and spread the word around.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Bad to the Xohm

One of our favorite really really bad names and contender for 2008's Eat My Words Name Shame Hall of Fame, XOHM, has met an early death. We previously ranted about this abomination as being wrong in so many many ways back in March and our opinion has not improved.Xohm2

The merger with Clearwire has provided an opportunity to euthanize XOHM with the announcement that the new name will be "Clear". Sources at Clearwire have said that present XOHM customers will not experience any impact from the merger other than not having to say or read the name XOHM ever again.

We're not saying Clear is the best name ever, especially with the trite tagline "Let's be clear", that goes along with it, but at least it does not provoke our gag reflex.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

NameTag®, You’re Not It

E1228856003We are always amused by our competitors when they glorify their naming processes as “proprietary” methodology and come up with mumbo jumbo voodoo jive to describe what’s behind the curtain. Sometimes all that behind the curtain is empty space. Let us say it again:

Everyone names things the same way, but some just do it better than others. When you can stand by your names proudly, you don’t need falderal to sell your names.

Which brings us to worldwide brand strategy, naming firm and falderal experts, NameTag® International, Inc.

Nametag Logo Nametag unforgetable

( who claims their names are…)



Here is their International mumbo jumbo voodoo jive:

“Our proprietary Idiotics™ Ideonics™ process encompasses BrandVision™, strategic ideation, trademark assessment, brand testing and brand rollout assistance.”

Falderal to English translation:

Our process, that is like everyone else’s, involves thinking up names, checking for conflicts, testing it and stuff then pretend that we came up with great names (although we won’t tell you that part). Then, in our downtime, we sit around and think up junk like Ideonics™, BrandVision™ and:

InSight Research, which breaks down into four distinct options for your brand research needs:

· 4Sight™ provides our clients with rapid market indicators of the viability of their brand name.

· EquiTest™ measures the brand equity of an existing name.

· WorldTest™ serves as an international brand inference testing procedure providing a preliminary, global linguistic analysis in languages specified by the client.

· VeriTest™ addresses global research and is designed to assist clients with name assessment and final name candidate viability

Yikes. Nothing new there.

Here is what you get with Ideonics™ et al ; Everything from Amazara to Zintrepid, with STŌK, Sorian, Aerius, Cognis and Teligen in between.

They say:

Nametag unforgetable


We Say:

Nametag unmemorable


Eat My Words creates truly unforgettable names like Spoon Me frozen yogurt, Cake Financial, Frigid ice cream, BackBeat ear buds and iPod clock radio we named Moondance. We can do the same for you….and we promise never to say falderal ever again.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Houston, We Have A Naming Problem!


Our good friend and fellow name pro, Phil Davis of Tungsten Marketing, beat us to the punch by posting this in his blog. (His post was also picked up by CNN and we wanted to give it a shout out as well.)

Houston, We Have a Naming Problem!

The amazing story just broke today that “astronomers at NASA and the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory used direct-imaging techniques to capture pictures of newly discovered planets orbiting stars outside our solar system.” The names of these new found cosmic neighbors?

HF8799b

HF8799c

HF8799d

These are not to be confused with the mother star they circle… HF8799. (And people thought Sarah Palin had naming issues.) It’s not bad enough that beloved Pluto got booted from our solar system’s list of the planetary elite. But now these distant alphanumeric newcomers are pulling rank on our former ninth planet? If they deserve planetary status, then don’t they also deserve good names?

Since they are a mere 130 light years from earth, in the constellation Pegasus, and seven to ten times the mass of Jupiter, why not brand them by size…

PegaMinor

PegaMajor

PegaMonster

Even Dr. Seuss was able to come up with Cat A, B and C. So why can’t NASA have a good trio of planetary brands? They could use legacy names such as…

Planets Armstrong, Shepard, and Glenn.

Or celebrity names…

Peter. Paul. Mary.

Moon. Unit. Zappa.

They could get Disney sponsorship money by naming them Planets Huey, Dewey and Louie. Or by referring to them collectively as The Disney Worlds. Planet Hollywood could sponsor one of them by calling it… well you get the idea.

So help our left minded team in Houston come up with some right brain ideas for these future travel destinations. Post your suggestions for these three planet names, and the winner will receive a handsome Tungsten Branding coffee mug and possible interplanetary immortality. I can’t promise that NASA will launch these new brand names, but it’s worth a try.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Violent Offender: Cranergy



We have come up with a new name for the worst Head Scratchers - "Violent Offenders." These are the names that are bad beyond belief. The first contender is the new drink from Ocean Spray called CRANERGY, the forced combination of CRANBERRY and ENERGY. What old-school naming firm got Ocean Spray to drink the Kool-aid and actually believe that this trainwreck of a name is good? Too bad Ocean Spray didn't run this name through the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test and save themselves the misery of a bad name and expense of pouring millions of dollars into advertising so consumers will actually remember the name.