Vote as many times as you like, and please share this with your friends. The winner will be announced in early February and be awarded a hideously ugly Head Scratcher of the Year trophy, compliments of Eat My Words.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Vote for the worst brand name of the year in our catty Headscratcher Contest
Vote as many times as you like, and please share this with your friends. The winner will be announced in early February and be awarded a hideously ugly Head Scratcher of the Year trophy, compliments of Eat My Words.
Monday, November 23, 2009
NEWS FLASH: Babies can’t spell and neither can you
According to the Speesees website, they came up with that name because (we are not making this up…) “s-p-e-e-s-e-e-s is the way a baby would spell 'species', if a baby could spell.” NEWS FLASH: Babies can’t spell and neither can you. It just goes to show you how bad naming happens when babies and eco-freaks lock themselves in a room with drinks and pizza until they come up with a name.
Apparently the sub-species folks over at Speesees are starting a de-evolution revolution by destroying literacy, one baby tee at a time. In 2003 they had a “series of phonetically-spelled animal species ('chik, 'kid, 'see hors, 'pup, je' raf), featuring an animal speesees on the front of a garment and its phonetic pronunciation on the back.” That’s just stoo- pid.
You may be able to buy some organic, fair trade duds for your little monkey there and save the planet in the process, but you’ll ruin his or her chance for literacy forever.
We suspect the real reason why they have such a leym name was because the domain wasn’t available on GoDaddy for $9.95. (Species.com is a tiny group of nerds that reposts articles about cataloguing animal and plant life – these guys probably would have sold their domain for a few hundred bucks since most of them have reached puberty.)
For a more evolved name, Speesees should have come to Eat My Words. They still have a shot of having us get them a lot of word of mouth though – they are our top contender for our Head Scratcher of the Year Award.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
New "Head Scratcher of the Year" Contender: Chyngle


The Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test (as seen in The Wall Street Journal), is based on our philosophy that a name should make you smile, instead of scratch your head.
SMILE if your name has these 5 success factors:
Simple – one easy-to-understand concept - NO
Meaningful – your customers instantly "get it" - NO
Imagery – visually evocative - creates a mental picture - NO
Legs – carries the brand, lends itself to wordplay - NO
Emotional – empowers, entertains, engages, enlightens - NO
SCRATCH it if it has any of these deal-breakers:
Spelling-challenged – not intuitive - CHECK
Copycat – similar to competitor's names
Random – disconnected from the brand - CHECK
Annoying – hidden meaning, forced - CHECK
Tame – flat, uninspired, boring, non-emotional - CHECK
Curse of Knowledge – only insiders get it - CHECK
Hard-to-pronounce – not obvious - CHECK
Thanks to our buddy Paul K. for sending us this doozie.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
I must confess that truuconfessions is a truuly dreadful name.
Regular Kitchen Sink contributor Robin Wolaner of TeeBeeDee tipped us off to this truuly dreadful name, truuconfessions, which was clearly the result of someone thinking they were being clever by snagging the domain name for $9.95 on GoDaddy. (The correct spelling, www.trueconfessions.com is parked - why not just pony up the money and save yourselves the nightmare of having to say, "That's 'true' with two u's and no e" every time they tell someone the name. Painfuul.) Too bad the name is so bad as truuconfessions provides hours of fun... Here are some confessions I found under different categories:
Military Wife: I shop too much while my husband is gone. (Posted by "anonymous")
Office: If you say "cool beany weenies" one more time I'm going to staple your mouth shut. Your 40 years old, come on! (Posted by "anonymous")
Mom: It drives me crazy when childless people say "I love my dogs like I would love my kid". How do you know? You don't have a kid off which to base that statement. (Posted by "anonymous")
Bride: I want to kill my MOH! She insisted I try false eyelashes on my wedding day and I foolishly listened to her and had a woman I'd never met come over to put them on. It was such a disaster - I had glue all over my eyelids and I looked like a transvestite with clumpy black long FAKE lashes!!!! (Posted by "anonymous")
Wife: My husband is pissed at me for not making the kids mow the lawn before he came home from work. (Posted by "anonymous")
Monday, April 6, 2009
Marketing gurus re-name pollack to boost sales... and call it COLIN

Marketing gurus re-name pollack to boost sales... and call it COLIN
from the salacious tabloid, The Daily Mail
By Sean Poulter
06th April 2009
When the marketing experts at Sainsbury's sat down to the task of trying to boost sales of pollack, they had a brainwave.
'Let's give it a new name,' they said.
Many months and meetings later, the name was chosen - Colin.
Colin (pronounced Col-an) is what the French, who actually can't get enough of Britain's pollack, call the fish once it has been cooked.
It is an interesting choice of name and one which the British shopper may struggle to come to terms with.
Sainsbury's said the exercise is designed to make British consumers add pollack to their shopping list as an alternative to threatened species such as cod.
There is a feeling that the current name is as ugly as the bug-eyed fish itself, while it seems a number of shoppers are wary about asking for pollack.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Brooklyn Restaurant’s Name Hits a Sour Note

Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Two Mo' Eye Sore Head Scratchers
Sunday, March 22, 2009
The onomatopoeia for a phlegmy cough
Mik was in the hippie health section of the grocery store yesterday and came across this Head Scratcher, Umcka. I believe "umcka" is the sound one makes when trying to clear phlegm from their throat, making this irritating name an onomatopoeia, or what is also called imitative harmony (or in this case, an irritativeTuesday, March 17, 2009
Scientists need to stop naming things
The latest entry into the Eat My Words Name Shame Hall of fame is a Scitable, new elearning portal from the prestigious Nature Publishing Group, the world's leading publisher of science. Created by mad scientists, this name was tested on lab rats.
Thanks to Igal Gabbay for alerting us to this unfortunate blunder.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Announcing the worst name of 2008
What happens when software engineers drink and play Scrabble?The tacky pink trophy was ready to be engraved and then...
How can you avoid a Head Scratcher award?Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Radisson Blu It

Our values remain the same, our beliefs are the same, our ambitions are the same, our people are the same, our hotels are the same, and our Blu box that allows us to stand out from the global Radisson crowd, remains the same. The world's favourite colour will soon come to represent a cool, calm and collective Radisson hotel experience. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Radisson Blu, you'll soon forget it was ever known as anything else."
If that isn't clear, Gordon McKinnon vice-president of branding explains: “Our customers are used to a difference between Radisson SAS and simply Radisson and we wanted to keep that differentiation there by using “Blu” in the title, in reference to the previous use of a blue box in the logo.” He also said he hoped the rebrand would win more customers.
What?
Let's suspend reality for a moment and say that that makes sense. OK, why BLU and not BLUE or even BLEU for that European flair? It just looks like someone forgot to type the "e".
P.S. Hey cybersquatters!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Vote For the Worst Brand Name of 2008
All year long we compile the biggest brand name "Head Scratchers" in our blog. Now you can vote for the worst one and help induct it into the Eat My Words Name Shame Hall of Fame. Based on criteria from the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH name evaluation test, here are what we consider to be the top ten offenders that we've discovered this year:Airphoria - a new "airline experience"
Authonomy - post your manuscript online
Chumby - a newfangled Linux-based gadget
Cuil - a not so cool search engine name
Cranergy - Ocean Spray's latest trainwreck
Naymz - a professional "reputation network"
Salesify - the new name for SalesBuild
Shryk - online banking platform
Traackr - social networking popularity site
VivaKy - integrated digital media universe
Please vote for the worst here. (Write in candidates welcome.) We'll announce the winner in our blog in late-January. The company behind the winning name will receive a big pink trophy, courtesy of Eat My Words. (We're still waiting for our thank you note from last year's winner, Xobni.) NOTE: Feel free to post this in your blog and spread the word around.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Bad to the Xohm
One of our favorite really really bad names and contender for 2008's Eat My Words Name Shame Hall of Fame, XOHM, has met an early death. We previously ranted about this abomination as being wrong in so many many ways back in March and our opinion has not improved.
The merger with Clearwire has provided an opportunity to euthanize XOHM with the announcement that the new name will be "Clear". Sources at Clearwire have said that present XOHM customers will not experience any impact from the merger other than not having to say or read the name XOHM ever again.
We're not saying Clear is the best name ever, especially with the trite tagline "Let's be clear", that goes along with it, but at least it does not provoke our gag reflex.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
NameTag®, You’re Not It
We are always amused by our competitors when they glorify their naming processes as “proprietary” methodology and come up with mumbo jumbo voodoo jive to describe what’s behind the curtain. Sometimes all that behind the curtain is empty space. Let us say it again:
Everyone names things the same way, but some just do it better than others. When you can stand by your names proudly, you don’t need falderal to sell your names.
Which brings us to worldwide brand strategy, naming firm and falderal experts, NameTag® International, Inc.
( who claims their names are…)
Here is their International mumbo jumbo voodoo jive:
“Our proprietary Idiotics™ Ideonics™ process encompasses BrandVision™, strategic ideation, trademark assessment, brand testing and brand rollout assistance.”
Falderal to English translation:
Our process, that is like everyone else’s, involves thinking up names, checking for conflicts, testing it and stuff then pretend that we came up with great names (although we won’t tell you that part). Then, in our downtime, we sit around and think up junk like Ideonics™, BrandVision™ and:
InSight Research, which breaks down into four distinct options for your brand research needs:
· 4Sight™ provides our clients with rapid market indicators of the viability of their brand name.
· EquiTest™ measures the brand equity of an existing name.
· WorldTest™ serves as an international brand inference testing procedure providing a preliminary, global linguistic analysis in languages specified by the client.
· VeriTest™ addresses global research and is designed to assist clients with name assessment and final name candidate viability
Yikes. Nothing new there.
Here is what you get with Ideonics™ et al ; Everything from Amazara to Zintrepid, with STŌK, Sorian, Aerius, Cognis and Teligen in between.
They say:
We Say:
Eat My Words creates truly unforgettable names like Spoon Me frozen yogurt, Cake Financial, Frigid ice cream, BackBeat ear buds and iPod clock radio we named Moondance. We can do the same for you….and we promise never to say falderal ever again.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Houston, We Have A Naming Problem!

Our good friend and fellow name pro, Phil Davis of Tungsten Marketing, beat us to the punch by posting this in his blog. (His post was also picked up by CNN and we wanted to give it a shout out as well.)
Houston, We Have a Naming Problem!
The amazing story just broke today that “astronomers at NASA and the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory used direct-imaging techniques to capture pictures of newly discovered planets orbiting stars outside our solar system.” The names of these new found cosmic neighbors?
HF8799b
HF8799c
HF8799d
These are not to be confused with the mother star they circle… HF8799. (And people thought Sarah Palin had naming issues.) It’s not bad enough that beloved Pluto got booted from our solar system’s list of the planetary elite. But now these distant alphanumeric newcomers are pulling rank on our former ninth planet? If they deserve planetary status, then don’t they also deserve good names?
Since they are a mere 130 light years from earth, in the constellation Pegasus, and seven to ten times the mass of Jupiter, why not brand them by size…
PegaMinor
PegaMajor
PegaMonster
Even Dr. Seuss was able to come up with Cat A, B and C. So why can’t NASA have a good trio of planetary brands? They could use legacy names such as…
Planets Armstrong, Shepard, and Glenn.
Or celebrity names…
Peter. Paul. Mary.
Moon. Unit. Zappa.
They could get Disney sponsorship money by naming them Planets Huey, Dewey and Louie. Or by referring to them collectively as The Disney Worlds. Planet Hollywood could sponsor one of them by calling it… well you get the idea.
So help our left minded team in Houston come up with some right brain ideas for these future travel destinations. Post your suggestions for these three planet names, and the winner will receive a handsome Tungsten Branding coffee mug and possible interplanetary immortality. I can’t promise that NASA will launch these new brand names, but it’s worth a try.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Violent Offender: Cranergy

We have come up with a new name for the worst Head Scratchers - "Violent Offenders." These are the names that are bad beyond belief. The first contender is the new drink from Ocean Spray called CRANERGY, the forced combination of CRANBERRY and ENERGY. What old-school naming firm got Ocean Spray to drink the Kool-aid and actually believe that this trainwreck of a name is good? Too bad Ocean Spray didn't run this name through the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test and save themselves the misery of a bad name and expense of pouring millions of dollars into advertising so consumers will actually remember the name.







