Announcing the award for the worst brand name of 2009...

It should go without saying that your brand name shouldn't rhyme with "feces." Announcing the worst name of 2009...  With 10 unfortunately-named nominees including MomSpit, iSnack 2.0, and isoars, the competition was fierce for our highly uncoveted Head Scratcher of the Year award. After months of online voting, bribery and consulting with the show's producers, the runaway winner is Speesees. This name not only gives us a clinical case of the heebie jeebies, it blatantly disregards the no-brainer criteria of the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH name evaluation test:

SMILE - the 5 qualities of a powerful name
Simple – easy-to-understand - No
Meaningful – customers "get it" - No
Imagery – creates a mental picture - Not a good one
Legs – wordplay opportunities - No, total dead end
Emotional – entertains, engages, etc. - No, "enrages" is not an emotion you want to evoke, especially from Eat My Words

SCRATCH it off the list if it has any of these 7 deal-breakers
Spelling-challenged – Absolutely!
Copycat – similar to competitor's names - No, thank goodness
Random – disconnected from the brand - Totally
Annoying – hidden meaning, forced -  Bingo!

Tame – flat, uninspired, boring - We think so
Curse of Knowledge – only insiders get it - Roger, that.
Hard-to-pronounce –  with spit-up in your mouth, yes

Speecees will be awarded a hideously ugly pink and gold Head Scratcher of the Year trophy, compliments of Eat My Words.

 

Please continue to send us bad names for our 2010 Head Scratcher contest. And if you want to make sure your own brand name doesn't get entered, go here to see if your name sucks.

New dish from the Eat My Words "idea kitchen"...

We have been happily ensconced in super fun, high profile name and tagline projects since late last year. Naturally, we are under NDA on everything, but we can tell you that our creative teams are having a blast naming things related to travel, beauty, music and romance. Speaking of all of those things, I fell head-over-cha-cha-heels in love with Cuba during a recent two-week holiday. I highly recommend you go now before Starbucks beats you to it. Or, just check out my very best Cuba photos.

Vote for the worst brand name of the year in our catty Headscratcher Contest

Vote for the worst brand name of 2009 in our third annual Headscratcher of the Year contest. Past winners include Xobni and Shryk. How can you tell if a name sucks? It's hard to spell, pronounce, decipher, meaningless to the audience, void of emotion, a copycat, or just gives you the heebie jeebies. (See the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test for more criteria.)

Vote as many times as you like, and please share this with your friends. The winner will be announced in early February and be awarded a hideously ugly Head Scratcher of the Year trophy, compliments of Eat My Words.

NEWS FLASH: Babies can’t spell and neither can you

Regular Kitchen Sink contributor Robin Wolaner sent us this hideously bad name for a baby clothing company that made us throw up a little bit it our mouth: Speesees. Ewwww.

According to the Speesees website, they came up with that name because (we are not making this up…) “s-p-e-e-s-e-e-s is the way a baby would spell 'species', if a baby could spell.” NEWS FLASH: Babies can’t spell and neither can you. It just goes to show you how bad naming happens when babies and eco-freaks lock themselves in a room with drinks and pizza until they come up with a name.

Apparently the sub-species folks over at Speesees are starting a de-evolution revolution by destroying literacy, one baby tee at a time. In 2003 they had a “series of phonetically-spelled animal species ('chik, 'kid, 'see hors, 'pup, je' raf), featuring an animal speesees on the front of a garment and its phonetic pronunciation on the back.” That’s just stoo- pid.

You may be able to buy some organic, fair trade duds for your little monkey there and save the planet in the process, but you’ll ruin his or her chance for literacy forever.

We suspect the real reason why they have such a leym name was because the domain wasn’t available on GoDaddy for $9.95. (Species.com is a tiny group of nerds that reposts articles about cataloguing animal and plant life – these guys probably would have sold their domain for a few hundred bucks since most of them have reached puberty.)

For a more evolved name, Speesees should have come to Eat My Words. They still have a shot of having us get them a lot of word of mouth though – they are our top contender for our Head Scratcher of the Year Award.

Alexandra's new vanity plate