The Kitchen Sink

Announcing the award for the worst brand name of 2009...

2010-04-09T11:36:00.000-07:00

It should go without saying that your brand name shouldn't rhyme with "feces." Announcing the worst name of 2009... With 10 unfortunately-named nominees including MomSpit, iSnack 2.0, and isoars, the competition was fierce for our highly uncoveted Head Scratcher of the Year award. After months of online voting, bribery and consulting with the show's producers, the runaway winner is Speesees. This name not only gives us a clinical case of the heebie jeebies, it blatantly disregards the no-brainer criteria of the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH name evaluation test:

SMILE - the 5 qualities of a powerful name
Simple – easy-to-understand - No
Meaningful – customers "get it" - No
Imagery – creates a mental picture - Not a good one
Legs – wordplay opportunities - No, total dead end
Emotional – entertains, engages, etc. - No, "enrages" is not an emotion you want to evoke, especially from Eat My Words

SCRATCH it off the list if it has any of these 7 deal-breakers
Spelling-challenged – Absolutely!
Copycat – similar to competitor's names - No, thank goodness
Random – disconnected from the brand - Totally
Annoying – hidden meaning, forced - Bingo!

Tame – flat, uninspired, boring - We think so
Curse of Knowledge – only insiders get it - Roger, that.
Hard-to-pronounce – with spit-up in your mouth, yes

Speecees will be awarded a hideously ugly pink and gold Head Scratcher of the Year trophy, compliments of Eat My Words.

Please continue to send us bad names for our 2010 Head Scratcher contest. And if you want to make sure your own brand name doesn't get entered, go here to see if your name sucks.

New dish from the Eat My Words "idea kitchen"...

2010-04-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

We have been happily ensconced in super fun, high profile name and tagline projects since late last year. Naturally, we are under NDA on everything, but we can tell you that our creative teams are having a blast naming things related to travel, beauty, music and romance. Speaking of all of those things, I fell head-over-cha-cha-heels in love with Cuba during a recent two-week holiday. I highly recommend you go now before Starbucks beats you to it. Or, just check out my very best Cuba photos.

Vote for the worst brand name of the year in our catty Headscratcher Contest

2010-01-26T15:19:00.000-08:00

Vote for the worst brand name of 2009 in our third annual Headscratcher of the Year contest. Past winners include Xobni and Shryk. How can you tell if a name sucks? It's hard to spell, pronounce, decipher, meaningless to the audience, void of emotion, a copycat, or just gives you the heebie jeebies. (See the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test for more criteria.)

Vote as many times as you like, and please share this with your friends. The winner will be announced in early February and be awarded a hideously ugly Head Scratcher of the Year trophy, compliments of Eat My Words.

NEWS FLASH: Babies can’t spell and neither can you

2009-11-23T17:12:00.000-08:00

Regular Kitchen Sink contributor Robin Wolaner sent us this hideously bad name for a baby clothing company that made us throw up a little bit it our mouth: Speesees. Ewwww.

According to the Speesees website, they came up with that name because (we are not making this up…) “s-p-e-e-s-e-e-s is the way a baby would spell 'species', if a baby could spell.” NEWS FLASH: Babies can’t spell and neither can you. It just goes to show you how bad naming happens when babies and eco-freaks lock themselves in a room with drinks and pizza until they come up with a name.

Apparently the sub-species folks over at Speesees are starting a de-evolution revolution by destroying literacy, one baby tee at a time. In 2003 they had a “series of phonetically-spelled animal species ('chik, 'kid, 'see hors, 'pup, je' raf), featuring an animal speesees on the front of a garment and its phonetic pronunciation on the back.” That’s just stoo- pid.

You may be able to buy some organic, fair trade duds for your little monkey there and save the planet in the process, but you’ll ruin his or her chance for literacy forever.

We suspect the real reason why they have such a leym name was because the domain wasn’t available on GoDaddy for $9.95. (Species.com is a tiny group of nerds that reposts articles about cataloguing animal and plant life – these guys probably would have sold their domain for a few hundred bucks since most of them have reached puberty.)

For a more evolved name, Speesees should have come to Eat My Words. They still have a shot of having us get them a lot of word of mouth though – they are our top contender for our Head Scratcher of the Year Award.

Alexandra's new vanity plate

2009-11-08T00:52:00.001-08:00

Introducing our newest megawatt name: Illumineering™

2009-10-28T10:34:00.000-07:00

We have never been asked to name a psychotherapy before, but Eat My Words is always up for a challenge. Renowned coach and psychotherapist Lauren Mackler, (and best-selling author of the book we named "Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life), asked us to name her new therapy, which is based on the premise that when we're born, we are whole, integrated human beings with tremendous potential. As Lauren explained to us, "Growing up, we respond to our life conditioning by adopting habitual patterns of thought and behavior, many of which erode our innate wholeness. We carry these patterns into adulthood, and they shape our feelings, relationships, lives, and careers. Illumineering™ is a groundbreaking coaching method that integrates family systems work, psychodynamic psychology, and coaching." After exploring a wide range of names, we discovered that combining the words "Illuminate" and "Engineering," created the perfect word to describe this process: Illumineering. Illumineering™ Relationship Coaching helps people break free of their self-defeating patterns, develop strong interpersonal skills, and create the quality of relationships to which they aspire. Lauren also has developed Illumineering™ Executive Coaching, Illumineering™ Career Coaching, and Illumineering™ Life Coaching.

Wanted for TV: Estranged Family Members Who Would Like To Repair Their Relationship
A national TV news show is doing a segment on Lauren working with estranged family members. They’re looking for 2 estranged family members who would like to repair their relationship. It can be a couple, a parent and child (20s+), or siblings. The estranged pair will spend 3 days working with Lauren, during which she’ll use her Illumineering method to help them identify and address the root causes of the issues that led to the estrangement, and concrete actions they can take to build a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.

If you or someone you know is estranged with a family member and is interested in being part of this groundbreaking segment (which will include working with Lauren on camera), please send an email to info@laurenmackler.com and tell her you were referred by Eat My Words.

Spicy Eat My Words Fallapalooza Party - Photos Now Posted

2009-10-20T23:43:00.000-07:00

On a perfect Indian Summer evening last Friday, more than 60 clients and friends came over for our 3rd annual Fallapalooza Paella Party. What a blast! Held on our spacious party patio, guests dined on delicious chorizo chick peas, succulent mushrooms, caprisi salad with fresh mozzarella and garden tomatoes, and of course, the culinary centerpiece, Spanish paella cooked before our eyes by the always entertaining Chef Ciado. (We named his business - Paella Party.). Beverages (named by Eat My Words, of course) included Fall Down Drunk, Red October, and the always popular, Mother Pucker. Thanks to everyone who made this the best Fallapalooza party yet.

Click here to relive the fun or see more of what you missed.

Client Charlene Li's book, Groundswell, wins 2009 Marketing Book of the Year!

2009-10-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Charlene Li of Altimeter Group (a company named by Eat My Words), for winning the American Marketing Association's 2009 prize for best marketing book of the year for her groundbreaking book, Groundswell: Winning in a World Transformed by Social Technologies.

(CHICAGO, IL, October 15, 2009) — The American Marketing Association Foundation (AMAF) announces Groundswell: Winning in a World Transformed by Social Technologies (Harvard Business Press) as the recipient of the 2009 Berry-AMA Book Prize for the best book in marketing.

Groundswell, by Charlene Li and Josh Bernoff, explains how to turn the force of customers connecting via social technologies, the groundswell, to your own advantage. Through the use of case studies, Li and Bernoff show how leading companies are gaining insights, generating revenue, saving money, and energizing their customers through social technologies such as blogs, YouTube, Facebook, and wikis. Groundswell provides targeted advice with ROI, which makes this book a critical starting point for companies developing a social technology strategy.

Li previously served as a Vice President and Principal Analyst at Forrester Research, a technology and market research company that provides pragmatic advice to global leaders in business and technology. In 2008, she founded the Altimeter Group, a strategy consulting firm that provides a pragmatic approach to emerging technologies to companies. Bernoff is Senior Vice President, Idea Development at Forrester Research and is responsible for identifying, developing, and promoting some of the company's most influential and forward-looking ideas.

Order Groundswell here.

Grounds For Optimism: I Have a Bean coffee featured in Chicago Tribune

2009-10-14T23:36:00.000-07:00

The Chicago Tribune wrote a wonderful piece on the story behind Second Chance Coffee Company, makers of the brand we named "I Have a Bean." Enjoy!

Getting a job is one of the toughest parts of post-prison life. But a tiny coffee roasting company in Wheaton is doing what it can to give former offenders a fresh start.

By Joan Cary
Special to the Tribune
October 14, 2009

In 2007, three Wheaton men, Pete Leonard, Ron deVries and Dave Scavotto, met for their weekly breakfast and came up with an idea for a small business that would provide fresh coffee and fresh starts.

Fresh start: Each had witnessed the plight of former prisoners in the job market.

Fresh coffee: Each enjoys a cup, although Leonard was more passionate about it than the others.

In August, after 2 1/2 years of brewing over it, they opened Second Chance Coffee Co. with two primary goals: to roast the best and freshest coffee, and to give former prisoners a chance at reliable employment.

"Starting a small business in a down economy and hiring ex-offenders? I'd say hard. Very hard," said Leonard,
describing the effort.

Second Chance Coffee, at 657 Childs St. in Wheaton, sells fresh-roasted coffee beans from six countries, employs two ex-offenders and has its sights on hiring eight to 10 more if business grows. Jim Short of Monee laughingly tells his boss that being the first employee is "definitely the ultimate in reverse discrimination."

Over the next few years the company would like to open similar micro-roasting plants in other Chicago-area communities and nationwide, working with and pledging to support the local post-prison organizations like Wayside Cross Ministries and Koinonia House National Ministries.

Leonard, who loves Ethiopia Sidamo coffee best, said he and the others arrived at the idea when Scavotto was unemployed and volunteering at Koinonia, a post-prison ministry with a house in Wheaton. The men, all of them friends from Blanchard Alliance Church in Wheaton, asked what Koinonia's biggest issue was, and Scavotto said "finding jobs." They also knew that Leonard, who roasted coffee on a homemade machine, wanted to start a micro-roasting business.

Leonard wrote the software and invented the roaster for Second Chance and had a friend build it. Thoughts became reality, and now Leonard runs the day-to-day operation and is the coffee roaster and taster, with final say on the coffees they select. DeVries, a bond trader, and Scavotto, in finance administration, rely on other full-time jobs and take no pay for their roles in finance, sales and marketing at Second Chance. They hope someday to work full time in the coffee business.

In the "green room" of the 1,800-square-foot plant, green or unroasted coffee beans are stored in 130- to 150-pound burlap and jute bags that smell like hay. They come from Guatemala, Kenya, Papua New Guinea, El Salvador, Ethiopia and Java, but those locations may vary with the crops.

In the roasting room, Short micro-roasts seven to 10 pounds of green coffee beans at a time and packages them for orders placed that day. Each one-pound package of Second Chance I Have a Bean (IHaveABean.com) brand is labeled with the roast date, enjoy-by date, roasted by, and roasted for information, and sells for $11 to $12. It is shipped, delivered or picked up that day.

Costwise, the operation could be more efficient, but not if they want to employ ex-offenders, Leonard said.

"Everything we have done is because of who we employ. We are here because the train station is two blocks away and the bus stops on the corner, and many ex-offenders cannot get a driver's license," he said. "We wanted machines that were simple to operate so people could be trained easily."

Employment requires dedication. Second Chance employees are required to be involved in a life skills/mentoring/discipleship group that is helping them get their lives in order.

"We aren't the whole answer. We are just a small part, a piece of the puzzle," Leonard said. "Employment is just one part of turning it around."

Of all the hurdles ex-offenders face, finding a job is often the most challenging, said Phil Wood, director of the Wayside Center in Elgin. Many come straight from prison to Wayside's residential program, and after graduation, Wayside workers try to help them find jobs.

"To have someone willing to give a man or woman an opportunity is, for us, a gold mine," Wood said. "We are stacked with people who are not given a chance."

Each Second Chance founder has his own reasons for being involved. Scavotto's eyes were opened at Koinonia. Leonard tells of a relative who was arrested, and although he is highly skilled and intelligent, his post-prison life is spent doing odd jobs because no company will hire him. DeVries said a nephew of his was incarcerated for seven years and he saw the effect it had on the entire family.

"As I saw his situation and then heard about others, it became apparent that there are needs that aren't known," deVries said. "When you come down on the train every day, you hear normal people say how hard life is and how tired they are.

"When I hear that, I think of those men and women who don't even have the playing field to compete. At the very core of this is that I feel called to it," he said.

Short, 45, served 8.5 years in prison for drug possession and intent to deliver cocaine. He was released in 2003, and said that although he earned a bachelor's degree in prison, his job interviews always ended with the background check.

Now he has two part-time jobs and teaches at Family Harvest Church in Tinley Park.

"Education got me in the door, but my background always ended it," Short said. "This is definitely a blessing."

Scavotto said future Second Chance micro-roasting plants -- he hopes there will be three to five within three to five years -- will be located in areas where prisoners are released and where there are strong post-prison ministries. The company's Wheaton operation can be duplicated in other communities, he said.

The founders are encouraged by upcoming holiday business and by the fact that 85 percent of coffee consumed in the U.S. is brewed at home.

"I love where we're headed," Scavotto said. "Starting a business from scratch and creating a positive influence on lives at the same time. That's a cool business to be in."
Copyright © 2009, Chicago Tribune

Kraft cans iSnack 2.0

2009-09-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

Kitchen Sink fan Igal Gabbay tipped us off to this naming mistake from our friends down under...

Consumers aren't happy little vegemites with the new name of Kraft's cream cheese and Vegemite blend.

Vegemite maker Kraft Foods has binned the name of its new product line iSnack 2.0.

In a statement this afternoon, the company said it had listened to the public and would go back to the drawing board.

An announcement about another name will be made on Friday.

"We have been overwhelmed by the passion for Vegemite and the new product," said Kraft Foods Australia/New Zealand head of corporate affairs, Simon Talbot.

"The new name has simply not resonated with Australians. Particularly the modern technical aspects associated with it."

iSnack 2.0 was chosen from 48,000 suggestions made as part of a public naming competition run by the company.

It has been roundly lambasted by the consumer public, however, spawning Facebook hate groups, blogs and angry Tweets on micro-blogging site Twitter.

T-shirts trashing the name have also gone on sale on the internet.

Vegemite has been manufactured in Australia since 1923. The new variant, launched in July under a 'Name Me' label, includes a cream cheese blend to make it more spreadable.

Kraft has denied the naming disaster was an attempt to gain free publicity for the product, which was due to go on sale with the new label today.

"At no point in time has the new Vegemite name been about initiating a media publicity stunt," Mr Talbot said.

"We are proud custodians of Vegemite, and have always been aware that it is the people's brand and a national icon.

"Our Kraft Foods storeroom currently has thousands of jars of the iSnack2.0 named Vegemite. This product will be distributed around Australia, and will continue to be sold in supermarkets for months to come - until Australia decides upon a new name."

Consumers in Australia and New Zealand will get another go at choosing a name, he said.

"Please bear with us for the next 48 hours as we finalise how Australians and New Zealanders can decide the new name through an independent popularity vote."

We have everything but the Kitchen Sink

2009-09-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

The Kitchen Sink blog received this inquiry today from a spelling-challenged person who has been whiffing too much Liquid Plumber...

Dear Sir/Madam
My name is (name withheld to protect the confused) and i will like to know wether u have Kitchen sinks and also the brands tht u carry as well as the most cheapest instock.and if u do have this brand let me know the price American Standard Culinaire 33 In. x 22 In. Stainless Steel Double Bowl Kitchen Sink 18 gauge, 18/10 stainless steel material Double bowl design

And also do u take credit card as payment as welll.
I will be expecting a email from you.
Thank you

Who wants to eat at Crabby Dicks?

2009-09-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

Thanks to our pal Rich Binell of Get Rich Quick (one of our favorite business names) for sending us photos of racy restaurant names. Our favorite one: Crabby's Dicks, a Delaware landmark who is monetizing their name with t-shirts and attracting customers with free balls.

New "Head Scratcher of the Year" Contender: Chyngle

2009-09-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

OMG, their name as confusing as what they do... "Chyngle is the first mobile location-based service to provide a venue branded ultra-local experience for users to interact and exchange value with each other and their surroundings within what we call Ultra-Local Environments™ or ULE's." Huh?

Too bad the Chynglers didn't see this before they paid $14.95 for their domain name...

The Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test (as seen in The Wall Street Journal), is based on our philosophy that a name should make you smile, instead of scratch your head.

SMILE if your name has these 5 success factors:

Simple – one easy-to-understand concept - NO

Meaningful – your customers instantly "get it" - NO

Imagery – visually evocative - creates a mental picture - NO

Legs – carries the brand, lends itself to wordplay - NO

Emotional – empowers, entertains, engages, enlightens - NO

SCRATCH it if it has any of these deal-breakers:

Spelling-challenged – not intuitive - CHECK

Copycat – similar to competitor's names

Random – disconnected from the brand - CHECK

Annoying – hidden meaning, forced - CHECK

Tame – flat, uninspired, boring, non-emotional - CHECK

Curse of Knowledge – only insiders get it - CHECK

Hard-to-pronounce – not obvious - CHECK

Thanks to our buddy Paul K. for sending us this doozie.

Here Comes Trouble - Naughtiest School Boy and Mean Girl Names

2009-09-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

From BBC News

Teachers spot trouble in a name

British teachers think they can tell which pupils are likely to play up by looking at their names, a survey suggests.

The poll of 3,000 teachers found more than one in three expected pupils with certain names to be more disruptive.

Pupils called Callum, Connor, Jack, Chelsea, Courtney and Chardonnay were among some of the ones to watch.

The online survey by parenting club Bounty.com found 49% of UK teachers made assumptions about a child when they first looked down the register.

But it is not all bad news, with 57% of the teachers surveyed saying the naughtier children tended to be more popular than their better behaved peers.

More than a third said the naughtiest pupils were often the brightest and the more sensitive.

Naughty list

Many teachers (69%) said they had difficulty pronouncing some of the more obscure names chosen by parents.

And 71% of teachers admitted to have a private chuckle over some of the more unusual names.

The survey also asked teachers what the brightest children tended to be called, with Alexander, Adam, Christopher, Benjamin, Edward, Elizabeth, Charlotte, Emma, Hannah and Rebecca coming in as the brainiest names.

Names of the most popular children in the class included Jack, Daniel, Charlie, Callum, Emma, Charlotte, Hannah and Anna.

Faye Mingo from Bounty.com said: "Teachers are only human and make assumptions like the rest of us.

"Rightly or wrongly, most of us make assumptions based on something as simple as a person's name and we base these on our previous experiences.

"It's only natural for teachers to make judgments based on the behaviour and performance of former pupils with the same name, but I'm sure that they are happy for to be proved wrong."

Introducing Hand Job, a cheeky new nail salon in the Castro

2009-08-25T08:29:00.000-07:00

Introducing Hand Job, a cheeky new nail salon that's smack in the heart of San Francisco's gay mecca, the Castro. Like our other "risque" brand name, Spoon Me frozen yogurt, Hand Job has tremendous potential to be monetized through the sale of lotions, potions, polish, t-shirts, totes, and anything else you can slap the logo on and ring up at the register. The jaw-dropping tourists on Castro Street are scooping it up. (Trust me, they do not sell Hand Job tea towels at the Mall of America.) Special thanks to John Luckett for designing a logo that's playful yet sophisticated and lets the name speak for itself. We love the bold red color, which will make for sleek and sexy holiday and Valentine gifts.

You would have to be really thirsty to drink this...

2009-08-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

A photo submitted from our pal Rich Binell of Get Rich Quick!

50 Funny Store Names (with photos)!

2009-08-11T07:43:00.000-07:00

Best Week Ever scoured the internet and pulled together these 50 store names that have fun with puns. Enjoy!

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46 More Pun Stores (Seriously) After the cut.

And they’re pretty much all brilliant.

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How about renaming it "Brad Pit Bull"?

2009-07-01T06:47:00.000-07:00

Recently we were tapped to work on a highly controversial project... to rebrand America's most demonized breed of canine, the Pit Bull.

All of us here at Eat My Words are dyed-in-the-sheep wool animal lovers with many dogs, cats, goats, chickens, Chia pets, Pet Rocks, and one very angry goose sharing their lives with us. (Not in a one-bedroom apartment, thank godness.) Therefore, we are predisposed to love our furry and feathered friends.

However, we admit to buying into some of the myths and misstatements about the Pit Bull and committed ourselves to get educated about this proud beast, which was once known as "Americas family pet."

Our preliminary research has resulted in the following positive findings:

Petey (a Pit Bull) ran with The Little Rascals and they all lived to adulthood.

Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba both own Pit Bulls, and they are hot so whatever they like we like.

There was a Pit Bull named Grunt in the movie "Flashdance". The story is that not only was Grunt a wonderful dog, but is widely considered to be a better actor than Jennifer Beals

Cesar Millan says they are OK and he is the Dog Whisperer. We don't know what the hell whispering to a dog does, but Cesar has his own show and nice teeth.

Contrary to popular belief, Pit Bulls do not have a "locking jaw" mechanism. The same cannot be said for Rumer Willis.

The Pit Bull Registry claims you are more four times more likely to be killed by a cow than a Pit Bull. Two questions. 1) who keeps track of bovine related deaths 2) how embarrassing would it be to be killed by a cow? How about a "roaring cow"?

All kidding aside, we have learned a lot of positive things about Pit Bulls and have changed our views. Pit Bulls have only gotten a bad rap because of their association with dog fighting and popularity with MTV gangstas. The good news is that the gangsta thugs we have spotted lately in the hood are all sporting itty bitty Chihuahuas ala Paris Hilton.

Like the breed, the new names needs to be friendly and approachable. Our 5 favorite new names so far:

Rockwell Terrier
(ala Norman Rockwell)

American Spirit Terrier
(Americana, sounds like a top breed)

Emperor Terrier
(a Pit Bull type dog was given to a Chinese emperor)

Gettysburg Terrier
(Americana)

Relay Terrier
(they exceed in flyball which involves relays)

We'll keep you posted...

----------

*Pit Bull is not a breed but a description of several dogs with similar characteristics including the American Pit Bull Terrier, American Staffordshire Terrier, Staffordshire Bull Terrier and Sarah Palin.

Spoon Me mobbed with hundreds of teens

2009-05-22T06:30:00.000-07:00

I told you Spoon Me was popular!

Literally Eating My Words at Spoon Me

2009-05-10T05:41:00.000-07:00

In town for Spoon Me founder Ryan Combe's wedding over the weekend (see next post), thanks to the GPS in my rental car, I managed to hit two Spoon Me locations (and eat Spoon Me at the wedding) in less than 8 hours. Spoon Me is the name that Eat My Words is the most proud of creating. Ryan and his partners David and Wayne have built a cult brand that transcends frozen yogurt and has become one of the hottest franchises on the planet, with projections of 100 new stores within the next 18 months. Spoon Me is a stellar example of how a brand can take a name and run with it. (That's why we call them names with "legs".) From the best-selling "Shut Up and Spoon Me" t-shirts to the "No Spooning on Sundays" hours sign, to the Spoon Me movie quote graffiti ("You had me at Spoon Me") in the bathrooms, there are endless ways to extend the brand through wordplay. Here are photos from my afternoon visit to the original store in Salt Lake City and my late night visit to one of the new super mod locations in Sandy, Utah. Thanks to everyone at Spoon Me for treating me like a celebrity. Can't wait to come back!

With this ring, I thee spoon.

2009-05-10T04:36:00.000-07:00

I spent a fun weekend in Salt Lake City, where I was a guest at the wedding of my good pal and Spoon Me founder, Ryan Combe. Great to finally meet Ryan in person, as well as his business partner, David Jaynes, who was one of the key decision makers in choosing the Spoon Me name, which of course was created by Eat My Words. I met so many nice Spoon Me peeps including the infamous Bub and Craig, as well as some of the key franchise owners including David and Ryan's dads. Ryan and his stunning bride, Alicia, are the international poster children for spooning. (And yes, Spoon Me frozen yogurt was served at the wedding.) Check out these photos from the reception... dig those sexy blue stiletto heels, Alicia!

When naming worlds collide...

2009-05-01T04:33:00.000-07:00

My naming pal (and fellow Toastmaster!) Jon Fredkove stopped by the office today for a chat. Great to finally meet him in person after all these years! I would love it if he moved here so he could work for me! (Hint, hint...)

Did you see me "slumming it" in the SF Chronicle's Travel Section?

2009-05-01T04:28:00.000-07:00

Gerald Miller and Alexandra Watkins use the iconic Taj Mahal

as a backdrop for a postcard-pretty photo from their vacation.

I'm just now getting around to posting this... it's somewhat work-related as I was taking a vacation from work.

Two Sunday's ago, the San Francisco Chronicle featured this photo of me and my boyfriend, Gerald, in front of the Taj Mahal (yes, the same one from Slumdog Millionaire), along with some highlights of our India vacation. I sent the photo to the paper in hopes that they would print it to show people that India was still very safe for travelers... Here's the link to the whole feature. Want to see more? Here are two pages of spectacular photos of my trip to India.

What's really cool is that the "On The Couch" writer, Louise Rafkin, saw the feature and interviewed us last week for her column on interesting couples. That one should be really fun.

We wrote the book on naming books.

2009-04-30T22:45:00.000-07:00

Imagine our surprise when we looked on Amazon a few weeks ago and saw that the book we titled Solemate was ranked #29 on their best seller list and #1 under books on "Depression." (Nothing depressing about that!) Author Lauren Mackler came to Eat My Words at the eleventh hour, needing an arresting book title for her new book about "mastering the art of aloneness." Our team tackled the assignment, submitting catchy titles including, Dancing With Myself, Table For One, and Good Enough for Garbo. The winning title, "Solemate" says it all. And readers clearly love it. Babs on Amazon gave it five stars and said, "...who can resist that clever title."

A best-seller in the UK as well, Solemate is about mastering the art of aloneness. But it's not about being alone. It's a book for people who want to enhance the quality of their lives by improving their relationships with themselves and with others. Download an excerpt or order the book here.

What do you call "Yelp for pet owners?:

2009-04-30T22:42:00.000-07:00

Doggone it, "Yelp" would be the perfect name, but it was taken. So we came up with Breed Trust (and got www.breedtrust.com on GoDaddy for $9.95). When you see the Breed Trust decal in a window of a pet service provider or on their website, you know that it is a business you can trust because, as our taglines says, it's Owner Recommended. Pet Approved. In addition to user ratings and reviews of local pet businesses, the Breed Trust website will include info on dog and cat breeds, pet travel, and the "Gossip Hound News Browser," featuring pet news (yes, you can lap up more about Bo!), user reviews of pet-themed books, movies, and TV shows (e.g. I Love Lassie), pet care advice, and of course an online pet store, because pets don't drive. We'll yap about it when it launches, but if you want to be the first to know, sign up here.

Announcing a fresh new name for Second Chance Coffee: I HAVE A BEAN

2009-04-30T04:26:00.000-07:00

When some people thought the name Second Chance Coffee implied that the beans were recycled, the founders knew it was time for a name change. The name Second Chance stemmed from the mission of the company - to help ex-offenders help themselves by providing gainful post-prison employment, job training and a community of acceptance. The company positively impacts the spiritual, social and economic condition of their employees, their families and the communities in which they live. All that and they make what many people say is the smoothest cup of coffee they have ever tasted. (It's so smooth, most of their customers drink it black.) Second Chance wanted us to create a memorable name that they could monetize, like we had done for frozen yogurt franchise Spoon Me and the chain of laundromats we named Stuff a Sock in It. After reviewing dozens of names, the top contenders were narrowed down to Happy Joe Lucky, I Dream of Coffee, Thank God It's Coffee, and I Have a Bean. We felt that I Have a Bean made the biggest emotional connection and had the strongest potential to make our client rich through the sale of t-shirts, mugs and coffee canisters. The client agreed. The tagline we created, "Inspired Coffee" helps set the tone that the company is inspiring people to live better lives. We are thrilled with the package design, which was created by Carrie Dufour and her talented team at Sloat Design. We snatched up www.ihaveabean.com for $9.95 and the site and brand officially launch on June 1st. Until then, follow them on Twitter, at I Have a Bean.

Out of our minds for Brain Thaw

2009-04-30T04:21:00.000-07:00

Ex-Microsoft guy John Grispon came to Eat My Words for a cool name and tagline for his new marketing consulting company. Since John helps people put "ideas into action," we named his company Brain Thaw. We love John and it's not just because on the side he's a dreamy print model and was George Clooney's stand-in on the new flick Up In The Air. Well, okay, that might have something to do with it.

Tweet My Words (before someone nabs your name)

2009-04-30T04:12:00.000-07:00

Hurry and register your name on Twitter before someone else hijacks it and tweets your words. It's free to sign up and takes all of 17 seconds. Even if you don't have the foggiest idea of what Twitter is or how you could possibly use it to get business, do yourself an enormous favor and secure your brand name (and personal name) on Twitter right now before someone else takes it. You can figure out how to use it later. Unlike domain names, Twitter names (e.g. eatmywords, spoonme, ihaveabean, monalisastyle, fusionlaw, halogenguides) don't cost a dime and are snap to get. I was a Twitterphobe until we got a client, Cha Chang, who "tweeted" a question about needing a naming firm and got a "tweet" back from one of her "followers," who referred her to Eat My Words. Cha-Ching! Since then, I've used Twitter a few times a week to blast out 140-character-or-less business updates, links to blog posts, and informal surveys. You can do the same and more... tweet special offers, ask your customers for feedback, and let them know about new products. Here's how some of our clients are using Twitter to engage their customers. Click on their name to see their Twitter page and postings...

Spoon Me "Tweet your favorite Spoon Me combo!"

I Have a Bean "We have a lease! We hope to be roasting by the week of May 9th"

Solemate "Solemate is now #4 for Movers and Shakers on Kindle!"

Fusion Law "Cal-COBRA Employers Get a Break http://tinyurl.com/dbrcoe"

Eat My Dust "On beautiful days and nights like these, don't forget 2 open the windows and shut the A/C (or heat) to save energy and increase air quality."

Please let us know when you sign up. And be sure to follow us at eatmywords.

To learn how B2B marketers are using Twitter, read this excellent article.

I must confess that truuconfessions is a truuly dreadful name.

2009-04-10T22:38:00.000-07:00

Regular Kitchen Sink contributor Robin Wolaner of TeeBeeDee tipped us off to this truuly dreadful name, truuconfessions, which was clearly the result of someone thinking they were being clever by snagging the domain name for $9.95 on GoDaddy. (The correct spelling, www.trueconfessions.com is parked - why not just pony up the money and save yourselves the nightmare of having to say, "That's 'true' with two u's and no e" every time they tell someone the name. Painfuul.) Too bad the name is so bad as truuconfessions provides hours of fun... Here are some confessions I found under different categories:

Military Wife: I shop too much while my husband is gone. (Posted by "anonymous")

Office: If you say "cool beany weenies" one more time I'm going to staple your mouth shut. Your 40 years old, come on! (Posted by "anonymous")

Mom: It drives me crazy when childless people say "I love my dogs like I would love my kid". How do you know? You don't have a kid off which to base that statement. (Posted by "anonymous")

Bride: I want to kill my MOH! She insisted I try false eyelashes on my wedding day and I foolishly listened to her and had a woman I'd never met come over to put them on. It was such a disaster - I had glue all over my eyelids and I looked like a transvestite with clumpy black long FAKE lashes!!!! (Posted by "anonymous")

Wife: My husband is pissed at me for not making the kids mow the lawn before he came home from work. (Posted by "anonymous")

Obama O's Cereal "Hope In Every Bowl"

2009-04-10T22:33:00.000-07:00

Just caught this on Twitter. (Thanks Edith!)

Hail to the Obama Ch-Ch-Chia Pet

2009-04-08T22:29:00.000-07:00

Mik spotted this latest product to cash-in on the Obama name...

From the website:

Can you grow one? YES YOU CAN.

Easy to do... Fun to Grow.

Full growth 1-2 weeks

Reuse your Chia indefinitely

Contains:

Chia Obama handmade planter
Chia Seed packet for 3 plantings
Convenient Drip Tray
Planting and care instruction sheet

Marketing gurus re-name pollack to boost sales... and call it COLIN

2009-04-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Kitchen Sink fan Igal Gabbay for alerting us to the latest naming disaster from the nitwit Brits...

Marketing gurus re-name pollack to boost sales... and call it COLIN
from the salacious tabloid, The Daily Mail
By Sean Poulter
06th April 2009

When the marketing experts at Sainsbury's sat down to the task of trying to boost sales of pollack, they had a brainwave.

'Let's give it a new name,' they said.

Many months and meetings later, the name was chosen - Colin.

Colin (pronounced Col-an) is what the French, who actually can't get enough of Britain's pollack, call the fish once it has been cooked.

It is an interesting choice of name and one which the British shopper may struggle to come to terms with.

Sainsbury's said the exercise is designed to make British consumers add pollack to their shopping list as an alternative to threatened species such as cod.

There is a feeling that the current name is as ugly as the bug-eyed fish itself, while it seems a number of shoppers are wary about asking for pollack.

Read the entire article here...

Brooklyn Restaurant’s Name Hits a Sour Note

2009-04-04T22:22:00.000-07:00

From the New York Times...

By KAREEM FAHIM

Published: April 3, 2009

To the list of lofty names that glamorize the city’s fried chicken stands, like Crown, Royal and Kennedy, one Brooklyn restaurant owner decided to add another: Obama.

From the restaurant’s perspective, the name change grew out of pride in the new president and a keen sense of commerce. From other perspectives, it was tone-deaf at best, and racist at worst. When the restaurant, Royal Fried Chicken on Rutland Road in Brownsville, changed its name last week to Obama Fried Chicken, the reaction was swift.

“Community leaders came. They told us we have to change the name,” said Mohammad Jabbar, 33, the manager. “They said if you don’t change it they will take action.”

It was the latest outbreak of commercial enthusiasm for President Obama and his family. An Illinois company tried to sell dolls that looked like the president’s daughters, and a Brooklyn brewery, Sixpoint Craft Ales, named a beer Hop Obama in honor of the community organizer in chief.

A few minutes’ drive from Obama Fried Chicken, Obama Beauty Supply opened its doors several months ago. Its owner, Mohammed Seraji, said he was inspired by his children’s enthusiasm for the president, along with Mr. Obama’s popularity in the neighborhood. A Michelle Obama wig he sells, for $49.99, is emerging as a popular item.

A White House spokesman, Ben LaBolt, said in an e-mail message, “The White House has a longstanding policy of disapproving uses of the president’s name and likeness for commercial purposes.”

At the restaurant, Mr. Jabbar, who said he had been a lawyer and university instructor in his native Bangladesh before moving here in January, has, apart from serving food, become Obama Fried Chicken’s spokesman. The owner, he said, did not wish to speak to reporters.

Explaining the decision to rename the restaurant, Mr. Jabbar said that not only was the owner fond of President Obama but that the entire neighborhood also “loved” him.

“From this love, everything is happening,” Mr. Jabbar said, weary from all the attention.

There were support and derision for the unnamed owner along Rutland Road, where most every store hangs a picture of the president, and where, on a rainy Friday, passers-by took cellphone pictures of the rebranded fried chicken stand.

Chantel Harewood, 18, a college student who grew up in the neighborhood, ordered food from Mr. Jabbar and said she liked the new name. “Why not? It’s history,” she said. “All these stereotypes. People got to relax.”

However, Mr. Jabbar said that the restaurant was bowing to the pressure, and that it would be renamed Popular Fried Chicken by the weekend. Ms. Harewood did not think much of the new name. “That’s so blah, predictable, typical,” she said. The current name, she added, gave her “pride.”

In the Au Monde Chic barbershop, where Mr. Obama’s portrait hung on a back wall, Alnord Benoit cut a customer’s hair and called the name change “disrespectful.”

“Did he get permission from Obama?” Mr. Benoit asked.

In a nearby computer store, the manager, Earl Dennis, jokingly said he should rename his place Obama’s Computer Store. “It’s publicity,” Mr. Dennis said. Of the chicken restaurant, he said, “I’m not eating there.”

Competition might have played some role in the new name. Crown Fried Chicken is across the street, owned by Osman Mohibi, 47, an Afghan immigrant. He keeps pictures of Mr. Obama and Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. taped to the plexiglass divider by the cash register.

Mr. Mohibi said his competitor’s misstep was winning new customers for Crown Fried Chicken. “He used the name,” Mr. Mohibi said of the owner. “He used black people.”

Kevin McCall, one of the community organizers who confronted Obama Fried Chicken’s owner, said he received calls from residents disturbed by the sign, and quickly contacted the owner to tell him it was “very offensive to African-Americans.”

The owner told him it would be taken down the next day, Mr. McCall said. When it was not, he contacted the owner again. “I said we would be out there having a rally,” Mr. McCall said.

City Councilman Charles Barron, who was also involved in the effort to change the name, said it was possible that the owner was simply trying to exploit the president’s name. “Fried chicken, watermelon and minstrels are part of the racist stereotyping of black people in America,” he said. “It’s outrageous. You have to be sensitive and knowledgeable.”

At the store on Friday afternoon, Mr. Jabbar served ice cream to teenagers and chicken wings to regulars. He said he did not really understand the pressure to bring down the sign, since everyone who came in the store seemed to like the idea. And he was concerned about what would happen if the community advocates returned.

“I’m new to this country,” he said. “I don’t really know what they could do.”

Someone should be jailed for this frightful name: Child Predator Hands

2009-04-02T21:38:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Lenny Raymond for tipping us of to this frightening name:

Child Predator Hands

From the product description...

Predators are hunters who look for trophies of other dangerous species for sport such as humans and other aliens. This latex Predator Hands costume product has metal look gauntlets and knife details. Add this to your child's Predator Mask for a great movie look!

I don't think we'll see these on Oprah's O-list anytime soon.

Not a good Valentine's Day gift: Fat Pig Chocolate

2009-03-31T21:35:00.000-07:00

Mik spotted this little piggy...

A not very lady-like name...

2009-03-30T21:29:00.000-07:00

Another bad name submitted by my friend, humor columnist Mary Hanna... unbelievably, this company is owned by 3 women.

I am not making this up!

2009-03-30T21:27:00.000-07:00

My friend, humor columnist Mary Hanna sent me this photo of a new lens cleaner that she spotted. Mary reports that she asked the clerk why they called the product "Cat Crap" and the clerk said, "Well, it made you look at it!"

Pet Names We Love.... Cowboy & Trowser

2009-03-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

Pets are much more fun to name than companies, products or babies. You don't have to trademark the name, and pets are easier to please than clients. This sweet dog, is my fairy dog child, Cowboy. What makes that name so adorable is Cowboy is a girl. As her owner, identity designer Tracy Moon of StudioMoon says, "Cowgirl wouldn't be nearly as cute." Cowboy, also known as "Cowby," is one half of my fairy dog children, the other being her sister, Trowser also known as The Trowse, (pictured below). I have nicknamed Cowboy & Trowser "The Little Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence" because they are spoiled rotten.

Eat My Dust cleans up in Big Success Business Contest

2009-03-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Eat My Words' client Russ Goldin of Eat My Dust™ who is one of five finalists in the Comcast Big Success Business Pitch, taking place this Thursday night at the Westin in San Francisco. As you may know, Eat My Dust is the first green commercial janitorial company in Northern California with fundamentally different approach to cleaning. They utilize a science-based cleaning system that removes up to five times more dirt and pollutants than traditional housekeeping. They are competitively priced and 100% sustainable for both the environment and the cleaning worker.

THE CONTEST DIRT
The 5 entrepreneurs will compete in front of a live audience and a panel of distinguished judges consisting of seasoned entrepreneurs and angel investors. The winner will receive a grand prize of being featured by the local CBS news in an exclusive 5-minute interview. Judges include:

Kevin Hartz- limited partner of Sequoia Capital, seed investor of Paypal, and co-founder and CEO of Eventbrite
Christine Comaford-Lynch- angel investor of Google, former VC and bestselling author
Mark O’Leary – regional vice president of Comcast Business Class
Amy Errett – Former CEO of Olivia.com and Venture Capitalist with Maveron

Thursday, March 26th
6:15 – 8:30 p.m
Westin San Francisco Market Street
50 Third Street
San Francisco, CA 94103
Purchase Tickets Here

We hope to see you there and help Eat My Dust sweep the competition!

Two Mo' Eye Sore Head Scratchers

2009-03-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

A newspaper in South Santa Clara, California has created a web design company called ISOARS. Ouch. What's really a shame is they actually have some nice looking web design and a playful personality. But their name is an eye sore and no one wants to have a site that makes their eyes hurt. I mean really, who wants to say their website was designed by what sounds exactly like "Eye Sores"?

It gets worse.

ISOARS created a digital coupon service with an even more cringe-worthy name:

I don't know where to begin with Mo-Quepons. It violates the most important rules of naming. It's hard to spell, pronounce, and downright annoying. And what's with the hyphen? You mean to tell me that www.moquepons.com was taken?!

Please guys, you need to spend mo' time evaluating names and less time thinking you hit the naming jackpot because the domain was available on GoDaddy for $9.95. That is not a good reason to choose a name. We suggest using the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test (as seen in The Wall Street Journal), which is based on our philosophy that a name should make you smile, instead of scratch your head.

SMILE - the qualities of a powerful name:

Simple – one easy-to-understand concept

Meaningful – your customers instantly "get it"

Imagery – visually evocative - creates a mental picture

Legs – carries the brand, lends itself to wordplay

Emotional – e.g. empowers, entertains, engages, enlightens

SCRATCH it off the list if it has any of these deal-breakers:

Spelling-challenged – you have to tell people how to spell it

Copycat – similar to competitor's names

Random – disconnected from the brand

Annoying – hidden meaning, forced

Tame – flat, uninspired, boring, non-emotional

Curse of Knowledge – only insiders get it

Hard-to-pronounce – not obvious, relies on punctuation

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If you'd like to see some great names that past the test, check out the names created by Eat My Words - now these are a site for sore eyes!

---

Thanks to my NSA ProTrack buddy Jim Carrillo for tipping me off to theses two doozies...

"Notorious A.I.G." Creates New Name To Avoid PR Disaster

2009-03-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks to our colleague Anthony Shore for tipping us off to this breaking news about those sneaky bastards at AIG.

AIU Holdings: AIG Creates New Name To Avoid PR Disaster

Huffington Post

by Stuart Whatley

March 23, 2009 02:37 PM

Following up Ryan Grim's report from Congress last week that AIG chief Edward Liddy was looking to change the company's "thoroughly wounded and disgraced" name, it appears as though words are being put into action.

The massive insurance operation will henceforth be known as AIU Holdings, Ltd., a process that began this past weekend with the removal of the large, front-end AIG sign from the its Manhattan office.

According to Reuters:

The signage is outside the company's Water Street offices, around the corner from AIG's Pine Street headquarters, which has long only been marked by an understated brass plaque inscribed "American International Building."

AIG has said it may sell the headquarter building, as part of its drive to raise funds to repay its debt to the U.S. government.

--------

We think AIG should change their name to GAG. They will only have to buy one vowel, which is about all they can afford.

The onomatopoeia for a phlegmy cough

2009-03-22T11:56:00.000-07:00

Mik was in the hippie health section of the grocery store yesterday and came across this Head Scratcher, Umcka. I believe "umcka" is the sound one makes when trying to clear phlegm from their throat, making this irritating name an onomatopoeia, or what is also called imitative harmony (or in this case, an irritative

harmony). An onomatopoeia is a word that imitates the sound it is describing, such as noises like "oink," "meow," and in this case, "umcka."

Umcka is "new to the US," from Germany, the same country that brought us "Obama Fingers" and Wienerschnitzel.

Scientists need to stop naming things

2009-03-17T11:53:00.000-07:00

The latest entry into the Eat My Words Name Shame Hall of fame is a Scitable, new elearning portal from the prestigious Nature Publishing Group, the world's leading publisher of science. Created by mad scientists, this name was tested on lab rats.

Thanks to Igal Gabbay for alerting us to this unfortunate blunder.

Shut Up & Spoon Me - Now Available Online

2009-03-17T11:46:00.000-07:00

It seemed as if Hell would freeze over in frozen yogurt before this happened, but after months of anticipation, Spoon Me loot is finally for sale online. Now you can buy your own "Shut Up and Spoon Me" t-shirt and stop trying to steal mine. As most of you know (because we talk about it every chance we get), Eat My Words named Spoon Me, which has become the hottest frozen yogurt franchise on the planet.

Spoon Me has turned their name into cold hard cash by slapping it on everything from bumper stickers to booty shorts. We love making our clients rich and are proud to be the only naming firm that monetizes names through merchandise. (How many t-shirts do you think Spoon Me would have sold if they stuck with their original name, Zenyo?)

Check out the Spoon Me store to see all of the stylish fashions.

Tender, Juicy Obama Fingers Hit the Shelves

2009-03-17T11:42:00.000-07:00

Our friend and fellow namer Anthony Shore tipped us off to this unfortunately-named new product, as reported in the dishy German blog Spiegel Online International:

Tender, Juicy Obama Fingers Hit the Shelves

By Charles Hawley

A German frozen food company hopes to raise sales with a new product: Obama fingers. The tender, fried chicken bits come with a tasty curry sauce. The company says it was unaware of the possible racist overtones of the product.

Selling products has, of course, become a bit more difficult than usual these days. No wonder then that companies everywhere are turning to optimistic marketing messages in an effort to counteract the steady drum beat of negativity coming from front page headlines around the globe.

Many sales executives have drawn the same conclusion: What better poster child for hope than US President Barack Obama? There are Obama dolls, Obama T-shirts, Obama soap-on-a-rope. There is even Obama thong underwear on offer.

Not wanting to miss the boat, a German food company has now gotten into the act. Sprehe, a company that has all manner of frozen delicacies on offer, has come up with a new product it calls "Obama Fingers." Far from being real digits, though, the "fingers" in question are "tender, juicy pieces of chicken breast, coated and fried," as the product packaging claims.

Fried chicken, in other words. With a curry dip.

"We noticed that American products and the American way of eating are trendy at the moment," Judith Witting, sales manager for Sprehe, told SPIEGEL ONLINE. "Americans are more relaxed. Not like us stiff Germans, like (Chancellor Angela) Merkel."

The idea, she claimed, was to get in on the Obama-mania which is continuing to grip Germany. The word "fingers" in the name refers to the fact that it is a finger food. "It's like hotdogs," Witting said. "No one would ever think they are actually from dogs."

For Americans in Germany, though, there is a risk that the product might be seen as racially insensitive. Fried chicken has long been associated with African-Americans in the US -- naming strips of fried chicken after the first black president could cause some furrowing of brows.

Witting told SPIEGEL ONLINE the connection never even occurred to her. "It was supposed to be a homage to the American lifestyle and the new US president," she said.

Want more dish? Sign up for Spiegel Online's daily newsletter and get the best of Der Spiegel's and Spiegel Online's international coverage in your In-Box everyday.

Wha'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?

2009-03-14T11:36:00.000-07:00

The Sears Tower, America's tallest building, is being renamed The Willis Tower as a result of a major new tenant, Willis Group Holdings. That's it. We just could not resist the post title.

More client love for Eat My Words

2009-02-24T11:33:00.000-08:00

We recently renamed a coffee company with what is our most merchandisable name since Spoon Me. We can't let the name out of the bean bag yet, but in the meantime, here's a gushing testimonial from the client, Pete...

As a startup company, it was important for the Second Chance Coffee Company to find a professional naming company that was as creative, energetic and focused on providing real value, as we are passionate about our business and mission. We have the right company name but "Second Chance" does not work so well for a coffee product that is roasted and delivered fresh the same day!

When our research turned up Eat My Words as a naming company that serves up "fresh names & taglines to go" we were interested. A little digging into the EMW website made it clear that this was no ordinary naming firm. This website, unlike a bunch of others, was clear and understandable, with none of the marketing mumbo jumbo we'd been wading through elsewhere. The simply powerful "Smile and Scratch Test" prompted us to give Alexandra a call. By the end of the conversation, it was clear that her fresh and engaging approach to naming was what we were looking for. Alexandra's enthusiasm, passion and track record convinced us that we had found the right solution to our naming conundrum, and the execution of the project has proven that we were correct.

"Good Value" is an understatement. Eat My Words has been very creative, energetic, and professional in every aspect of our project. I would not hesitate to hire EMW and Alexandra again.

Pete Leonard

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Keep an eye on our blog to find out what we named "Pete's coffee."

OpenTable Dishes Up Appetizing Conference Room Names

2009-02-23T11:23:00.000-08:00

Kudos to restaurant reservation company OpenTable (my favorite free service) for having a contest to name their conference rooms.

Out of 51 entries, the winning theme was "fictitious restaurants or cafes from TV shows." Congrats to Julie Hall, the clever employee whose prize is a slick new TV. (How fitting!) Now people can say, "Let's meet in...

Central Perk (Friends)
Cafe Nervosa (Frasier)
The Peach Pit (90210)
Cheers (Cheers)
Arnold's Drive-In (Happy Days)
Monk's Café (Seinfeld)
The Regal Beagle (Three's Company)
Phil's (Murphy Brown)
Riff's (Mad About You)
McClaren's (How I Met Your Mother)
Moe's (The Simpsons)

A foodie friend of mine works at OpenTable and was kind enough to let me collaborate with him on some names. These were our submissions:

BREAKFAST CEREAL CONFERENCE ROOMS
Cap'n Crunch
Count Chocula
Franken Berry
Shredded Wheat
Special K
Wheat Chex
Boo Berry
Malt-O-Meal
Froot Loops

KITCHENWARE CONFERENCE ROOMS
Spatula
Wooden Spoon
Cutting Board (great name for a board room!)
Pressure Cooker (another killer name!)
Corkscrew
Rolling Pin
Egg Beater
Garlic Press
Waffle Iron

We wish more companies would get creative with their conference room names - it's a fun way to add personality to any business.

Open Source - say it outloud - yikes!

2009-02-23T11:20:00.000-08:00

Open Source sounds like Open Sores. Ouch!

Name the baby gorilla - his father will pick the winner.

2009-02-23T11:16:00.000-08:00

The San Francisco Zoo is having a contest to name their new baby gorilla. Get this - the father of the infant, Oscar Jonesy, a dominant silverback gorilla, will choose the winner by selecting one of five colored bamboo sticks. I am not making this up. From the website. "A panel of judges appointed by the Zoo will choose five finalist names. Each name will be connected individually to five colored bamboo sticks and placed out in the Jones Family Gorilla Preserve exhibit for Oscar Jonesy. The first colored bamboo stick he chooses will be the winning name."

They are looking for "a distinguished name of African origin," so don't try to be cute. For the record, I will be submitting the name "Jambo," which means "Hello" in Swahili. (Swahili is the only language I have ever picked up in my world travels.)

Go here for full contest details.

Announcing the worst name of 2008

2009-02-12T10:22:00.000-08:00

What happens when software engineers drink and play Scrabble?

Thanks to all of you who voted in the 2008 Head Scratcher "worst name of the year" contest. This cheeky annual award, created by naming firm Eat My Words (that would be us), is inspired by our no-brainer philosophy, "A name should make you smile, instead of scratch your head." Contenders are judged on their "ick factor" and ability to pass the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test, which has been featured in Wall Street Journal, a fact that we like to mention as often as possible.

Drumroll please...

The name that chalked up the most votes was a new "financial literacy" site for children out of Oklahoma named Shryk. A name that made us shriek.

The tacky pink trophy was ready to be engraved and then...

Another drumroll please...

We were tipped off that Shryk renamed themselves with an even worse name: iThryv.

Whaaaaaat? Did one of their software engineers say, "Hey, we need a name with vowels so let's get drunk and play Scrabble again"? (Why not iShryk?) The website explains it all by saying "Shryk changed the name of the corporation to iThryv in an effort to dispel any confusion related to the name of the company versus the name of the product. Now, when someone mentions iThryv -- you know they are talking about financial literacy." HELLO! What about regular literacy?! The name iThryv is so severely spelling-challenged that an entire generation of children are not going to know that the word "thrive" is spelled with vowels. Isn't it already tragic enough that "No Child Left Behind" didn't work and kids don't know how to spell "flicker" or "delicious"? And sorry iThryv, the "i" doesn't buy you a vowel. Beginning your company name with an "i or an "e" is so 1998. Just like iStockPhoto and eHarmony, the name iThryv screams, "WE'RE ON THE INTERNET!" Yeah, everyone is. If iThryv is still "thryving" 20 years from now, the name will sound even more ridiculous than it does today.

How can you avoid a Head Scratcher award?

Tip #1: Your company name needs to spelled exactly as is sounds. As anyone from iThryv, Takkle, Xobni, or countless other dot coms will reluctantly admit, when you have to verbally spell out your name (and silly-sounding email address) for people, it's embarrassing and annoying. And if it's annoying for you, how do you think your customers feel when they type the name they hear in their browser and discover what iThrive is?

For more tips on when to scratch your name of the list, check out our Kitchen Sink Blog and the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test, which has been featured in Wall Street Journal, a fact that we like to mention as often as possible.

Radisson Blu It

2009-02-10T07:54:00.000-08:00

We are all for name changes. In fact we encourage it, in many cases. However, this one from Radisson is odd. First take a look at this from their website:

"As time goes by, your much loved Radisson SAS Hotels & Resorts will change their name to Radisson Blu. This is not a revolution but a gentle evolution. A small graphical change that is significant only in that it reflects a corporate transaction of a few years ago that brought about the natural end of Radisson's links with the SAS Group.

Our values remain the same, our beliefs are the same, our ambitions are the same, our people are the same, our hotels are the same, and our Blu box that allows us to stand out from the global Radisson crowd, remains the same. The world's favourite colour will soon come to represent a cool, calm and collective Radisson hotel experience. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Radisson Blu, you'll soon forget it was ever known as anything else."

If that isn't clear, Gordon McKinnon vice-president of branding explains: “Our customers are used to a difference between Radisson SAS and simply Radisson and we wanted to keep that differentiation there by using “Blu” in the title, in reference to the previous use of a blue box in the logo.” He also said he hoped the rebrand would win more customers.

What?

Let's suspend reality for a moment and say that that makes sense. OK, why BLU and not BLUE or even BLEU for that European flair? It just looks like someone forgot to type the "e".

P.S. Hey cybersquatters!

Wake up and smell the Amsterdam Coffee House.

2009-02-04T07:52:00.000-08:00

An article in today's Wall Street Journal talks about fragrance trends in consumer cleaning products. The scents of pine forests and lemon groves have been upped by "a wildly varied bouquet" including mandarin-lime detergent, lavender vanilla disinfectant and eucalyptus mint toilet bowl cleaners. Although we can't find any mention of it online, the article says a new deodorizer which hit store shelves last month, promises a "Moroccan bazaar."

Have you ever been to a bazaar in Morocco? I haven't, but I have been to bazaars (also known as "souks" or "markets") in Libya, Egypt, Zanzibar, Tanzania, Ghana, Kenya, South Africa and countless other countries, and I can assure you that the overwhelming scents of these bazaars, should simply not be bottled.

Here are some of the more memorable scents from my travels, and what I would name them:

Egyptian Camel Breath

Zanzibar Fish Market

Vatican Tourist

Fiery Ganges Breeze

Amsterdam Coffee Shop

Indian Milk Market

Rustic Serengeti Jeep

Peruvian Llama Spray

New Zealand Hostel

Mildewy Rain Forest

Durban Bunny Chow

Smokey Chinese Railcar

Okay, I can say it. But please don't spray it.

No Snickering: That Road Sign Means Something Else

2009-02-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

The “Butt” in this road, in South Yorkshire, probably refers to a container for collecting water.

We recently found this in the Europe edition of The New York Times...

No Snickering: That Road Sign Means Something Else

By SARAH LYALL

Published: January 22, 2009

CRAPSTONE, England — When ordering things by telephone, Stewart Pearce tends to take a proactive approach to the inevitable question “What is your address?”

He lays it out straight, so there is no room for unpleasant confusion. “I say, ‘It’s spelled “crap,” as in crap,’ ” said Mr. Pearce, 61, who has lived in Crapstone, a one-shop country village in Devon, for decades.

Disappointingly, Mr. Pearce has so far been unable to parlay such delicate encounters into material gain, as a neighbor once did.

“Crapstone,” the neighbor said forthrightly, Mr. Pearce related, whereupon the person on the other end of the telephone repeated it to his co-workers and burst out laughing. “They said, ‘Oh, we thought it didn’t really exist,’ ” Mr. Pearce said, “and then they gave him a free something.”

In the scale of embarrassing place names, Crapstone ranks pretty high. But Britain is full of them. Some are mostly amusing, like Ugley, Essex; East Breast, in western Scotland; North Piddle, in Worcestershire; and Spanker Lane, in Derbyshire.

Others evoke images that may conflict with residents’ efforts to appear dignified when, for example, applying for jobs.

These include Crotch Crescent, Oxford; Titty Ho, Northamptonshire; Wetwang, East Yorkshire; Slutshole Lane, Norfolk; and Thong, Kent. And, in a country that delights in lavatory humor, particularly if the word “bottom” is involved, there is Pratts Bottom, in Kent, doubly cursed because “prat” is slang for buffoon.

As for Penistone, a thriving South Yorkshire town, just stop that sophomoric snickering.

“It’s pronounced ‘PENNIS-tun,’ ” Fiona Moran, manager of the Old Vicarage Hotel in Penistone, said over the telephone, rather sharply. When forced to spell her address for outsiders, she uses misdirection, separating the tricky section into two blameless parts: “p-e-n” — pause — “i-s-t-o-n-e.”

Several months ago, Lewes District Council in East Sussex tried to address the problem of inadvertent place-name titillation by saying that “street names which could give offense” would no longer be allowed on new roads.

“Avoid aesthetically unsuitable names,” like Gaswork Road, the council decreed. Also, avoid “names capable of deliberate misinterpretation,” like Hoare Road, Typple Avenue, Quare Street and Corfe Close.

(What is wrong with Corfe Close, you might ask? The guidelines mention the hypothetical residents of No. 4, with their unfortunate hypothetical address, “4 Corfe Close.” To find the naughty meaning, you have to repeat the first two words rapidly many times, preferably in the presence of your fifth-grade classmates.)

The council explained that it was only following national guidelines and that it did not intend to change any existing lewd names.

Still, news of the revised policy raised an outcry.

“Sniggering at double entendres is a loved and time-honored tradition in this country,” Carol Midgley wrote in The Times of London. Ed Hurst, a co-author, with Rob Bailey, of “Rude Britain” and “Rude UK,” which list arguably offensive place names — some so arguably offensive that, unfortunately, they cannot be printed here — said that many such communities were established hundreds of years ago and that their names were not rude at the time.

“Place names and street names are full of history and culture, and it’s only because language has evolved over the centuries that they’ve wound up sounding rude,” Mr. Hurst said in an interview.

Mr. Bailey, who grew up on Tumbledown Dick Road in Oxfordshire, and Mr. Hurst got the idea for the books when they read about a couple who bought a house on Butt Hole Road, in South Yorkshire.

The name most likely has to do with the spot’s historic function as a source of water, a water butt being a container for collecting water. But it proved to be prohibitively hilarious.

“If they ordered a pizza, the pizza company wouldn’t deliver it, because they thought it was a made-up name,” Mr. Hurst said. “People would stand in front of the sign, pull down their trousers and take pictures of each other’s naked buttocks.”

The couple moved away.

The people in Crapstone have not had similar problems, although their sign is periodically stolen by word-loving merrymakers. And their village became a stock joke a few years ago, when a television ad featuring a prone-to-swearing soccer player named Vinnie Jones showed Mr. Jones’s car breaking down just under the Crapstone sign.

In the commercial, Mr. Jones tries to alert the towing company to his location while covering the sign and trying not to say “crap” in front of his young daughter.

The consensus in the village is that there is a perfectly innocent reason for the name “Crapstone,” though it is unclear what that is. Theories put forth by various residents the other day included “place of the rocks,” “a kind of twisting of the original word,” “something to do with the soil” and “something to do with Sir Francis Drake,” who lived nearby.

Jacqui Anderson, a doctor in Crapstone who used to live in a village called Horrabridge, which has its own issues, said that she no longer thought about the “crap” in “Crapstone.”

Still, when strangers ask where she’s from, she admitted, “I just say I live near Plymouth.”

If you’re smirking at this sign, you’re mispronouncing the town’s name. It’s PENNIS-tun.

Beaner's Coffee House takes the heat and changes name

2009-01-31T07:41:00.000-08:00

We're naming a coffee company this week, and I came across this article about an unfortunate name. Yikes!

Changing coffee house's name was 'right thing to do,' says Biggby CEO

Posted by Erin Albanese | The Grand Rapids Press June 26, 2008 22:02PM

GRAND RAPIDS -- Biggby Coffee CEO and co-founder Bob Fish chalks up gracing his stores with the name Beaner's to Midwest naivete.

"Beaner's to us didn't mean anything but coffee," said Fish, whose firm changed the name of its stores in November.

Although the financial impact of that $1 million decision won't be evident until next January, growth in store numbers is a positive indicator, he said.

The East Lansing-based franchise now has 100 stores in nine states, with a forecast to grow to 250 by 2010, he told members of The West Michigan Chapter of the Public Relations Society of America at the University Club on Thursday.

"The most important reason we changed the name is because we felt it was the right thing to do. We are a company of inclusion not of exclusion," he said.

Customers -- about 700 who posted comments on its Web site -- expressed both support and dismay with the change.

When he opened his first store in 1995, there was no Internet to search, said Fish, who owns the brand with partners Mike McFall and Mary Roszel.

"We would have Googled it and found out there were any repercussions to having that name," he said.

As more stores opened and Beaner's became a franchise, Fish heard more and more comments the moniker was a disparaging term for Mexican-Americans.

It was not a well-known term at the time in Michigan, but Southerners sometimes registered shock at the name. There was never a lawsuit or organized boycott, however.

"It was becoming more ubiquitous as time went on," he said.

Fish realized he might be excluding a segment of the population, even if it realized the name referred to coffee.

"It didn't mean they would walk around with a cup that said Beaner's on it," he said.

Fish turned to Grand Rapids-based public relations firm Lambert Edwards & Associates to help facilitate the change.

Wired Wants You to (Re)name NASA's Next Martian Rover

2009-01-21T07:25:00.000-08:00

Here's a recent naming contest we read about on the Wired Blog Network - go for it!

(Re)name NASA's Next Martian Rover
By Alexis Madrigal
January 20, 2009

With the recent detection of seasonal Martian methane emissions — which microbes could be generating or eating, NASA's next robotic mission to the planet could become the most exciting unmanned mission in the history of the agency, especially if it discovers definitive evidence of extraterrestrial life.

NASA claims the rover, which currently goes by the painfully dull name Mars Science Laboratory, will be the most capable rover ever, with a larger payload of more sophisticated instruments. Originally scheduled to launch in October 2009, "testing and hardware challenges" have pushed the date to the next window when Mars and Earth are favorably aligned in fall 2011. The rover's main task is to answer the burning question of whether the red planet ever was, or still is, habitable for microbial life.

We think a rover with such a cool mission mission needs a better name. Even NASA honchos know: They are holding a kid-centric naming contest sponsored by Wall-E to replace the current dry moniker.

Call us homers, but we have more faith in Wired Science readers than we do in your little cousins to come up with the type of awe-inducing name that will fit the next-gen rover. After all, you did an inspiring job with the Mars Phoenix Twitter epitaph contest. So, we're introducing another Reddit widget below for you to go wild with. You can submit your own name and vote on others through Jan. 26.

We can't promise that NASA will have anything to do with our official nickname, but we will link it from our future stories on the rover.

To Submit a Rover Name to Wired, click on the original blog post and scroll to the bottom of the page.

I'll have the Blackened Sea Kitten please.

2009-01-14T07:23:00.000-08:00

We love animals here at Eat My Words. In fact, we own a menagerie that includes dogs, cats, several goats and one really mean goose. However, we think PETA has gone a little overboard with their new campaign to change the name of fish to "sea kittens". The thinking is that if we view them as fluffy aquatic purrmeisters we won't indulge in their delicious, buttery, flaky, flavor-filled goodness.

However, just in case they want to extend the campaign. Here are some other renaming possibilities to get people off the meat wagon:

Chicken = Mini American Bald Eagles

Lamb = Billowy White Cloud Angels

Pork = Pen Pals

Beef = Barn Puppies

In a related story, there have been three sea kitten attacks off the coast of Australia in the past two days.

Vote For the Worst Brand Name of 2008

2008-12-12T07:16:00.000-08:00

All year long we compile the biggest brand name "Head Scratchers" in our blog. Now you can vote for the worst one and help induct it into the Eat My Words Name Shame Hall of Fame. Based on criteria from the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH name evaluation test, here are what we consider to be the top ten offenders that we've discovered this year:

Airphoria - a new "airline experience"

Authonomy - post your manuscript online

Chumby - a newfangled Linux-based gadget

Cuil - a not so cool search engine name

Cranergy - Ocean Spray's latest trainwreck

Naymz - a professional "reputation network"

Salesify - the new name for SalesBuild

Shryk - online banking platform

Traackr - social networking popularity site

VivaKy - integrated digital media universe

Please vote for the worst here. (Write in candidates welcome.) We'll announce the winner in our blog in late-January. The company behind the winning name will receive a big pink trophy, courtesy of Eat My Words. (We're still waiting for our thank you note from last year's winner, Xobni.) NOTE: Feel free to post this in your blog and spread the word around.

Bad to the Xohm

2008-12-11T07:15:00.000-08:00

One of our favorite really really bad names and contender for 2008's Eat My Words Name Shame Hall of Fame, XOHM, has met an early death. We previously ranted about this abomination as being wrong in so many many ways back in March and our opinion has not improved.

The merger with Clearwire has provided an opportunity to euthanize XOHM with the announcement that the new name will be "Clear". Sources at Clearwire have said that present XOHM customers will not experience any impact from the merger other than not having to say or read the name XOHM ever again.

We're not saying Clear is the best name ever, especially with the trite tagline "Let's be clear", that goes along with it, but at least it does not provoke our gag reflex.

Love at first sight doesn't just happen on eHarmony.

2008-12-10T03:09:00.000-08:00

Imagine never having to spend a dime on advertising or PR because your brand name was so magnetic that people were instantly drawn to it. And your name was so infectious, your customers were excited to tell other people and generate buzz for you. We've seen this happen over and over again with names we create. The frozen yogurt franchise we named Spoon Me. The commercial cleaning company we named Eat My Dust. The iPod clock radio we named Moondance. The laundromat we named Stuff a Sock In It. The ice cream store we named Frigid. The home cleaning robot we named Neato. The charity reward program we named Angel Points. The dips for kids we named Monkey Dunks. And of course our own name, Eat My Words.

How likable is your own brand name?
Do people smile when they hear it?
Do they say, "I wish I thought of that!"
Do they say, "I can't believe that name wasn't taken!"
Do they say, "My friend was just talking about that!"
Do they ask, "Where can I buy the t-shirt?"

If you answered "yes" to any of the above, you're in great shape (and chances are, you are an Eat My Words client).

NameTag®, You’re Not It

2008-12-09T03:04:00.000-08:00

We are always amused by our competitors when they glorify their naming processes as “proprietary” methodology and come up with mumbo jumbo voodoo jive to describe what’s behind the curtain. Sometimes all that behind the curtain is empty space. Let us say it again:

Everyone names things the same way, but some just do it better than others. When you can stand by your names proudly, you don’t need falderal to sell your names.

Which brings us to worldwide brand strategy, naming firm and falderal experts, NameTag® International, Inc.

( who claims their names are…)

Here is their International mumbo jumbo voodoo jive:

“Our proprietary ~~Idiotics™~~ Ideonics™ process encompasses BrandVision™, strategic ideation, trademark assessment, brand testing and brand rollout assistance.”

Falderal to English translation:

Our process, that is like everyone else’s, involves thinking up names, checking for conflicts, testing it and stuff then pretend that we came up with great names (although we won’t tell you that part). Then, in our downtime, we sit around and think up junk like Ideonics™, BrandVision™ and:

InSight Research, which breaks down into four distinct options for your brand research needs:

· 4Sight™ provides our clients with rapid market indicators of the viability of their brand name.

· EquiTest™ measures the brand equity of an existing name.

· WorldTest™ serves as an international brand inference testing procedure providing a preliminary, global linguistic analysis in languages specified by the client.

· VeriTest™ addresses global research and is designed to assist clients with name assessment and final name candidate viability

Yikes. Nothing new there.

Here is what you get with Ideonics™ et al ; Everything from Amazara to Zintrepid, with STŌK, Sorian, Aerius, Cognis and Teligen in between.

They say:

We Say:

Eat My Words creates truly unforgettable names like Spoon Me frozen yogurt, Cake Financial, Frigid ice cream, BackBeat ear buds and iPod clock radio we named Moondance. We can do the same for you….and we promise never to say falderal ever again.

What’s The Worst Band Name, Like, Ever?

2008-12-02T03:01:00.000-08:00

Music Blogs > The MOJO Blog > What’s The Worst Band Name, Like, Ever?

What’s The Worst Band Name, Like, Ever?

Posted Fri Nov 21, 2008 3:16pm PST by Martin Aston in The MOJO Blog

Puddle Of Mudd? Toad The Wet Sprocket? Or one of those terrible emo groups called things like Car Parked Selfishly or Boy Raised By Chimps? Martin Aston referees MOJO's Terrible Band Name Smackdown.

What's in a band name? An explanation, a badge, a cri de coeur? A window, perhaps, onto an artist's soul. Those most cherished of acts have a name indivisible from their DNA--The Velvet Underground, Led Zeppelin, The New York Dolls, The Smiths, The Clash. I only mention this because I was recently sent an EP from Surrey emo band, You Me At Six--arguably as pointless a band name as it gets. It made me think of Manic Street Preachers Nicky Wire's rant against mimsy shoegazers Slowdive--"worse than Hitler," he opined.

Lazy art can get to you like that. Now, I know there can only be one Beatles, one Mercury Rev, one ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead. But with the entire lexicon at their fingertips, You Me At Six is clearly not a band name that looks to the stars. Unlike, say, the enlightening They Came From The Stars, I Saw Them--themselves victims of Crappy Band Name hate blogs I encountered while researching this monograph.

Shoegaze was defined by its one-word band names--Blur, Lush, Ride, Spin. Repetitive, yes, but you can see the intention: to mirror the music's gauzy textures. At the other end of the bluster spectrum, emo band names extol the art of saying nothing, importantly: Christie Front Drive, Bring Me The Horizon, Hot Water Music, Dogs Die In Hot Cars--make up your own shameful version at The Emo Band Name Generator.

At least an inexcusable name can be constructive. I know without hearing a note that I'll never enjoy Scouting For Girls or The Pigeon Detectives. A flick through a gig guide last week turned up the following bands that I can happily avoid--Apples For Everyone, Nothing Rhymes With Orange, Bill Posters Will Be Band, My Tiger My Timing.

Chronic monikers can also be intriguing. Had I not known indie feys Grab Grab The Haddock, winners of BBC Radio #1's Worst Band Name poll of 2003, I'd have wondered what music deserved such risible baggage. Runners-up were Spandau Ballet, which expertly nailed New Romantic pretension, while the fact Crispy Ambulance came third also shows how the crux of a great name escapes some folk.

I haven't even begun to recount the horrors of the goth/industrial scene (hi, Anaal Nathrakh! you are named after a spell uttered by the wizard Merlin in John Boorman's 1981 film Excalibur that means "serpent's breath"). But it's not only rock; rap has its share of name shame. Calling yourself after a cotton bud, Q-Tip? Chali 2na, what were you thinking?

News just in: Nickel Eye is the solo project of The Strokes' bassist Nikolai Fraiture. From names sunk by puns to those calculated to annoy (Does It Offend You, Yeah?) and unintentionally induce yawns (sorry, The Milk & Honey Band), there are many reasons to get riled. I haven't decided which category the following fit into, but I know, on a cranky day, they're worse than Hitler: Puddle Of Mudd. Cherry Poppin' Daddies. Baboon Torture Division. Enuff Z'Nuff. Bowling For Soup. Dysfunkshun Junkshun. Mr Mister. Toad The Wet Sprocket. Crazy Town. The Hobbits Of The Shire. Keane. Come share some healthy anger and let MOJO know your worst.

784 Comments | Post a Comment »

Houston, We Have A Naming Problem!

2008-11-19T02:41:00.000-08:00

Our good friend and fellow name pro, Phil Davis of Tungsten Marketing, beat us to the punch by posting this in his blog. (His post was also picked up by CNN and we wanted to give it a shout out as well.)

Houston, We Have a Naming Problem!

The amazing story just broke today that “astronomers at NASA and the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory used direct-imaging techniques to capture pictures of newly discovered planets orbiting stars outside our solar system.” The names of these new found cosmic neighbors?

HF8799b

HF8799c

HF8799d

These are not to be confused with the mother star they circle… HF8799. (And people thought Sarah Palin had naming issues.) It’s not bad enough that beloved Pluto got booted from our solar system’s list of the planetary elite. But now these distant alphanumeric newcomers are pulling rank on our former ninth planet? If they deserve planetary status, then don’t they also deserve good names?

Since they are a mere 130 light years from earth, in the constellation Pegasus, and seven to ten times the mass of Jupiter, why not brand them by size…

PegaMinor

PegaMajor

PegaMonster

Even Dr. Seuss was able to come up with Cat A, B and C. So why can’t NASA have a good trio of planetary brands? They could use legacy names such as…

Planets Armstrong, Shepard, and Glenn.

Or celebrity names…

Peter. Paul. Mary.

Moon. Unit. Zappa.

They could get Disney sponsorship money by naming them Planets Huey, Dewey and Louie. Or by referring to them collectively as The Disney Worlds. Planet Hollywood could sponsor one of them by calling it… well you get the idea.

So help our left minded team in Houston come up with some right brain ideas for these future travel destinations. Post your suggestions for these three planet names, and the winner will receive a handsome Tungsten Branding coffee mug and possible interplanetary immortality. I can’t promise that NASA will launch these new brand names, but it’s worth a try.

Alexandra wows Pow.wow

2008-11-18T02:55:00.000-08:00

Alexandra Watkins chosen as November's Featured Pow.wow Member

Pow.wow is the brainchild of Dava Guthmiller. In 2004, Dava invited 14 women to her office to exchange ideas and discuss the challenges of running a small business. Pow.wow is now over 400 strong and growing.

Their goal is to support the success of its members by:

Creating a supportive and positive learning environment
Empowering through education and exchange of ideas
Increasing the visibility of its members
Giving back to the Bay Area community of women

Alexandra is pleased to be featured and proud to be involved with such an important organization.

Below is Alexandra's Pow Wow profile & interview..

Alexandra Watkins

Alexandra is the founder of Eat My Words, creating brand names that generate buzz and revenue. She is also a Make Mine a Million $ Business Awardee. Congratulations Alexandra!

Why did you start your own biz?
I saw a huge opportunity in the marketplace to create brand names that were likeable and conceptual as opposed to the mangled, unapproachable words that old-school naming and branding firms invent using Latin and linguistics.

What did you do before you started your own business?
I was an advertising copywriter for 15+ years, where I mastered the art of creating clever headlines grab attention. Our names have the same effect. They are instantly likeable, make powerful emotional connections, and are absolutely unforgettable.

What was a challenge or obstacle to start your own business?
A few naysayers didn’t think I could sustain myself by only creating names and taglines. They said I needed to keep copywriting in the mix. I loved proving them wrong. Some people would say not having a college education would be a challenge, but I disagree. Unlike other namers who have degrees in linguistics and understand Latin, I have not been tainted by “The Curse of Knowledge.”

What is one thing that is responsible for the success of your business?
Creativity. Although I cite passion as being a key factor of my success, without my creativity, I wouldn’t have a portfolio of wildly creative names and taglines that is unmatched by any other naming firm. My creativity has also allowed me to build my business through innovative marketing approaches.

In your opinion, what makes women good business owners, and what holds them back?
The best women business owners are fearless. They are not afraid to charge what they are worth, speak their mind, or compete in a man’s world. The major downfalls of many women business owners are they have low self-esteem, don’t know how to negotiate, aren’t financially saavy, and are afraid they will hurt someone’s feelings if they ask for more money.

What are a few tips you’d give a woman starting her own business today?
1. Do not launch your business until you have professional business cards printed and a polished website up, which have been designed by a true identity designer who understands the importance of having a cohesive brand. You only have one chance to make a first impression.

2. Make sure the name of your business sounds like a brand name as opposed to your own name. When you sell your company 20 years from now, it will be much harder to sell if your name is attached to it and you won’t be there any more.

3. Don’t give up on a great brand name if the domain name is out of reach. No one expects a company to have the exact dot com any more. Just as we ran out of 800#s for toll-free calls, everyone knows the free-and-clear dot coms are a thing of the past.

What are your goals for the business?
Our long term vision is to become the most widely influential naming firm in the industry and get businesses to stop naming their companies things like Learnia, Xohm, and QualComm.

Our short-term goal is to get on the radar of more consumer package goods clients who have on-going naming needs.

Is there anything else you’d like us to know?
Our many naming successes include Spoon Me frozen yogurt, Neato home cleaning robots, Monkey Dunks dips for kids, Cake Financial, Bloom energy drink, Frigid ice cream, an iPod clock radio named Moondance, a luxury-on-installment website named Venue, Stuff a Sock In It laundromat, Mixin’ Vixens bartenders, and Wavelength, a forum for the world’s most progressive companies and social entrepreneurs.

We are the only naming firm who monetizes names. For instance, Spoon Me is making a fortune selling Spoon Me t-shirts, sportswear, pajamas and booty shorts.

Our adoring clients include Del Monte, Frito Lay, Altec Lansing, Guthy Renker, SIGG water bottles and Intercontinental Hotels Group.

Our SMILE & SCRATCH name evaluation test has been featured in the Wall Street Journal.

Our wildly colorful loft office has been featured on TV, design books, and magazines.

I didn’t go to college and am an inspiration to women everywhere that you CAN be successful without a college education.

Violent Offender: Cranergy

2008-11-09T02:51:00.000-08:00

We have come up with a new name for the worst Head Scratchers - "Violent Offenders." These are the names that are bad beyond belief. The first contender is the new drink from Ocean Spray called CRANERGY, the forced combination of CRANBERRY and ENERGY. What old-school naming firm got Ocean Spray to drink the Kool-aid and actually believe that this trainwreck of a name is good? Too bad Ocean Spray didn't run this name through the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test and save themselves the misery of a bad name and expense of pouring millions of dollars into advertising so consumers will actually remember the name.

Falapalooza Party a Scorching Success

2008-11-09T02:40:00.000-08:00

Our annual Fallapalooza cocktail party was a huge success, with nearly 80 guests at the Eat My Words party pad, including Eat My Words' Gina, Rena and bartender Tina. Held on a warm fall evening, the outdoor patio was the perfect place to marvel at Chef Ciado cook his delicious paella and sip homemade Sangria. Guests included clients and friends from Landor, Perspective Branding, Deutsch Design Works, OnRequestImages, USA Today, Aerielle, Smart Design, Firewood, Sandbox Suites, and Wunderman

Here's what you missed...

Alexandra Fashions Naming Advice

2008-11-06T02:35:00.001-08:00

We love Project Runway, so when Alexandra was asked to share her naming style to the fashion trade, she stitched together a stunning ready-to-wear tailored collection....

How To Create Brand Names That Stick

Posted by Guest Author on Nov 5, 2008 at 4:06 pm

Today’s guest entry is written by Alexandra Watkins, CIO of Eat My Words . After writing advertising copy for 20+ years, including five years at Ogilvy and Mather -where she flogged everything from Microsoft to Mighty Dog- Alexandra got hooked on naming when Gap hired her to create cheeky names for their first line of body care products. Since then she’s generated thousands of names for snacks, software, sunscreen, social networking sites, sportswear, shoes, sugar scrubs, serums, and seafood -and that’s just the S’s!

Click here for full post.

Palin Bailin'

2008-11-03T02:31:00.000-08:00

Someone from Alaska, who has the same name as someone who works for the Central Committee of the Alaskan Republican Party, has purchased the following domain names:

Palin2012.com

SarahPalin2012.com

PalinForPresident.com

Scarier still is that the domains were purchased on August 24, 2007.

Tasty Tidbits from the past week...

2008-10-19T02:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we find juicy news not worthy of a full blog post, yet too darn good to not share with you. These "Tasty Tidbits" are digestible bites of news about new names and the naming industry and what we think of them here at Eat My Words. Bon Appetit!

______________________________________________________

Scary name for new roller coaster - The North Carolina State Fair's newest roller coaster has been named "Toxic Shock," as a result of a naming contest. We are not big fans of naming contests and this is just another example of you get what you pay for. We are not sure of the connection between a roller coaster and a rare, life-threatening bacterial infection that has been most often associated with the use of superabsorbent tampons and occasionally with the use of contraceptive sponges. However, it is better than the two runner-up names, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Necrotizing fasciitis.

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Death Doesn't Sell - There is a movement afoot in Israel to change the name of The Dead Sea because as one business owner says "our clients from abroad are uncomfortable buying products that have originated in a place whose name is associated with death. It's problematic." They have not offered any alternatives, but we think any change to such a historical name with eons of brand equity and a rich reputation for its health benefits would be misplaced and would undoubtedly end up sounding silly.

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Company wins rights to sewage facility - T. Wayne Hill Trucking, a bio-solids (nice word for you know what) management company, had the winning bid of $6,100 out of 26 bids on eBay for the naming rights to a school's new sewage plant. We can't wait for the sign. The company logo is of a smiley face holding it's nose. We think it was a brilliant marketing move.

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We bet the real "Joe the Plumber" is getting a lot of hits on his website.

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Father names baby without mother's consent, may be dumbest man ever.

Here it is...Sarah McCain Palin. The father, Mark Citpak, did it "to get the word out" about the campaign. He goes on to say, "I took one for the cause, I can't give a lot of financial support for the (McCain/Palin) campaign. I do have a sign up in my yard, but I can do very little." Finally, in a statement that will seal his fate “I sort of secretively went behind her back and changed the paperwork.”

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Here is the Namethis.com lame name of the week:

This week we have another tie:

For "a mobile application and associated web site for quickly sharing your life with friends. Initially this will be sharing photos ."

The winner is Manifestivity.com The client has not snapped this winner up as of 11:15AM 10-19-08

For "a free service where you can find, share, and store recommendations easily and privately with the people you trust- See instantly what your friends have already recommended (no more wading through past emails to find stuff)"

**preference for domain names that are short, can’t be misspelled, random words that don’t mean anything are ok too

The winner is Ourpinionis.com. The client has not snapped this winner up as of 11:15AM 10-17-08

Prior week's winners, Pixelouvre.com, Mevolutionfitness.com and Communinnty.com are all also still available.

So this crowdsourcing thing is not really working out for their clients. If these names are indicative of the ones rising to the top, there is something definitely broken in their methodology. At least that ourpinionis.

Entreprenuer's StartUps magazine asks "Does your business moniker have people smiling or scratching their heads?"

2008-10-16T02:18:00.000-07:00

Alexandra is quoted in the Fall 2008 issue of Entrepreneur's StartUps magazine, which was inspired by our proven name evaluation method, the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test. Here is the article in its entirety:

All in the Name

Does your business moniker have people smiling or scratching their heads?

By Kevin Manahan
Entrepreneur's StartUps - September 2008

After creating catchy names for everything from energy drinks to sportswear, Alexandra Watkins knows what goes into a good business name. In 2005, the former advertising copywriter founded Eat My Words, a boutique naming firm in San Francisco with 2008 sales projected in the six figures. The firm's Smile & Scratch Test, available at eatmywords.com, evaluates names "based on our philosophy that a name should make you smile instead of scratch your head," says Watkins. Here are some tips to ensure your name gets people grinning:

Make an emotional connection. Eat My Words creates company names that entertain and engage the consumer, including Spoon Me for a frozen yogurt chain and Neato for a home cleaning robot. "If you have a name like Spoon Me, and you're making that [emotional] connection, you're instantly building an affinity for your brand, because people like it," says Watkins, 44.
Stand out. With Pinkberry's success came a wave of name imitators. But jumping on the bandwagon is the wrong way to go. "People try to be copycats," says Watkins, "but the only way you're ever going to get noticed and stand out is if you do something unexpected and different."
Don't ask others for ideas. Try to test your name against an objective set of criteria rather than asking for opinions. "People make the mistake of asking their friends and family what they think," says Watkins. "That's the worst possible thing you can do; it really waters down your name."
Keep it clear. Names like Flickr and Xobni might be unique, but they can be confusing and hard to pronounce for consumers. Names in different languages or that hide the meaning from the consumer should also be avoided.

What we all need is a Tightwad Bank. Take that WaMu!

2008-10-16T02:14:00.000-07:00

We didn't name Tightwad Bank, but we kind of wish we did.

Especially these days, depositors might opt for a fiscally constipated bank. Granted it is one small branch at the moment, but what fun to brand it for the next stage. They are already selling shirts, hats and mugs. That's great, but we think they could make bank with branded Tightwad Visa cards.

This name hits all cylinders on our SMILE & SCRATCH Test.

SMILE - qualities of a powerful name
Simple – one easy-to-understand concept
Meaningful – your customers instantly "get it"
Imagery – visually evocative - creates a mental picture
Legs – carries the brand, lends itself to wordplay
Emotional – empowers, entertains, engages, enlightens

It also follows our EMW=ROI formula.

We believe that a name is an investment that should promise many happy returns for years to come by producing Return On Investment in the following ways:

Generates buzz without spending advertising dollars
PR magnet -- editors love our names (Hello, free PR!)
Instantly likeable, creating affinity for your brand - people talk about our names
Its evocative nature easily allows expansion into future brand extensions while retaining its original charm
No time is wasted telling people how to spell it, pronounce it, or what it means
Creates differentiation, which builds brand recognition and visibility– an EMW name gets noticed in a sea of sameness
Emotionally connects with your target making an indelible imprint and inspiring loyalty
Rich in wordplay for editorial coverage, marketing materials, tradeshow themes, launch ideas and more
In essence, the name becomes a “product” that can be creatively monetized through merchandise and licensing further expanding exposure, with people paying you to advertise your brand
Vivid imagery is ripe for eye-catching identity designStays fresh and vibrant and never becomes dated - an EMW name has an indefinite shelf life
Makes your company and its products trendsetters, and makes you look like a rockstar
Creates an improved image for your overall brand
Lets you sleep at night knowing your EMW name is working around the clock

So, we were pleased when the TheStreet.com gets the Eat My Words way and reported on the strength of Tightwad Bank name in their words as a " media magnet and marketing engine, resulting in a flurry of new accounts".

We're opening our account tomorrow.

Here is the article in its entirety:

Small Business Center

Tightwad Bank: A Lesson in Branding

Entrepreneur.com

10/13/08 - 12:29 PM EDT

Elizabeth Wilson of Entrepreneur.com

Sometimes it's all in a name. Six-month-old Tightwad Bank in Tightwad, Mo., uses the double-take factor to drum up business without even trying. It hasn't spent a cent on advertising, yet it can rattle off personal and business accounts from California, New York and even Carrot River, Saskatchewan, Canada.

It's a bank without a Web site (although it plans to offer online banking by the end of 2008), and its 112 accounts already exceed the town's population of 63. Passing the town's name on to the bank was the draw for Don Higdon, the entrepreneur and chairman of the bank, when he purchased the then-shuttered building last year.

Indeed, the unusual name has acted as a media magnet and marketing engine, resulting in a flurry of new accounts. However, the last thing Higdon intends to do is open Tightwad Bank branches cheek by jowl across America.

Instead, he'll consider a few additional Tightwad branches while maintaining his current focus on leveraging the power of the name to encourage tightwads across the country to open accounts at the two branches he presently chairs.

"It's a difficult name to forget," Higdon says. "You typically have two reactions: One is 'What? What is your name?' You're not going to get that customer. And the other [is] there's a smile on their face and they're just dying to open an account. I think that's the kind of excitement from a name that a lot of companies want to have."

He says any reaction to a name, good or bad, can help a business.

"When you can get a measurable reaction simply from a name, your challenge of converting them to a customer is diminished substantially; then all you have to do is talk about price or size or location, and location just isn't an issue anymore."

Higdon, a career banker, his wife, and his business partner Jeff McCalmon decided to pour all of their collective personal assets into purchasing Reading State Bank in Kansas in 2000. They purchased Tightwad Bank as a second branch in 2007, and opened it six months ago. At the same time, they changed the name of Reading State Bank in Kansas to Tightwad Bank. Since Tightwad Bank opened, the bank's deposits have grown from $11 million to $13 million at both branches Higdon chairs. The newer Tightwad assets are worth $1.7 million.

"This bank in 2000 was in a lot of ways a start-up. It was a little country bank; the town had shrunk because of technological and societal changes and demographic changes. It was only $4 million in total assets in the beginning, prior to doing the Tightwad branch conversion," Higdon says, referring to the Reading, Kansas branch when they first opened it in 2000.

Name Recognition

He's well aware of the pros and cons of using an uncommon name in business.

"People see the name and a number of them say, "Is that a real bank, and you're FDIC insured?' We go 'yes, yes, yes' . . . so the unique name gives us opportunity that other banks don't have; the flip side of that is the credibility issue," Higdon says.

With a name like Tightwad, which has negative connotations like stinginess, Higdon says they're pushing positive interpretations of the word, letting consumers know this is a bank that's "going to deliver real goods and services in a cost-efficient manner that would be consistent with someone who's prudent and responsible with their finances."

"We're going to appeal to a fairly narrow scope of potential customers," Higdon says. "Some people just won't get it and will have no interest doing business with a bank of that name, and I would suggest to you that they're probably the more high-brow or snobby types. The others totally embrace it."

Rita McGrath is a professor at Columbia University's Business School, where she teaches MBA and executive MBA courses in strategy and innovation. She says using a different kind of name is a "strategy that's used by many firms to add an empathic or emotional appeal to their products that enhances the basic functionality of what they have to sell."

"A quirky name like this can often provide valuable differentiation for a company, particularly in a relatively commoditized (and, to be frank, boring) industry like banking," McGrath says.

She thinks it will be interesting to see whether the name becomes even more salient during these tough economic times, "when being a tightwad may well be seen as more honorable and intelligent than being a silly, credit-consuming spendthrift."

"I bet there are a lot of banks who wished more of their customers were proud to be tightwads today, for sure," McGrath says.

Tightwad isn't the only bank with a strange, name-brand appeal. There's also the Fifth Third Bank (FITB Quote - Cramer on FITB - Stock Picks), a Midwestern bank headquartered in Ohio. Higdon's heard of the bank. "It's kind of a weird name, but it sets them apart," he says. "You remember that name, unlike so many that are called first national bank or community bank and on down the list."

And there are plenty of strange town names to come by in the U.S. Many of them are geographically close to Tightwad: Wisdom and Peculiar in Missouri, and Fairplay, Colo. There are also Rough and Ready in California and Happyland, Okla.

One of Tightwad's customers is Henry Leonard, who was a career banker before deciding to take over Marthabelle's Printing and Mailing, the printing business his mother started in Kansas City, Mo. Leonard enjoys a bank with a lively name, and that sends a clear message about his "tightwadness" to his business's vendors.

"Too many [banks] are so dry anyway . . . and there is a bit of levity in sending someone a check that says 'Tightwad.' I think that part of it is fun. I tell people when they get ready to charge me, 'be easy on me 'cause I'm a poor kid,' so I hand them a check that says 'Tightwad,' and they hand it back like, 'riiight.'"

He uses the checks with vendors and for repair services to send a message that he's serious about not being overcharged. "Those are the guys who can really run you a lot of cost."

The checks are also a conversation starter. They get a reaction from his vendors and customers. "You send them a check and they're like, 'What is this doggarn thing?' and they're liable to call you up."

He even muses about incorporating the 'tightwad' theme into his business a bit more. For example, he's thought about creating a penny-pinching logo for his business. "Like a Monopoly guy running around with a bag of money. Guess I couldn't do that, though."

Tightwad Bank has great success with its own money bag logo. It sells items in the lobby after drawing anywhere from two to more than a dozen carloads of people who pull off the highway each day to snap pictures next to the large, white Tightwad sign. Available for purchase are $25 to $500 gift cards to "give to that stingy uncle," Higdon says, or a $14 ball cap, $30 polo shirt, $11 T-shirt, $9 mug or $7 cozy.

In the end, if business success isn't in the stars for Tightwad Bank, Higdon has a backup plan. Before he bought it, the building was a branch of UMB Bank, which closed in January 2007. Already equipped with the old signage, they'll call it United Missouri Beverage "and make it a drive-through liquor store," Higdon says.

While "Tightwad" on a check might not appeal to everybody, for those it does appeal to, it probably does so strongly, Columbia University's McGrath says.

"That will have second-order effects, such as making them more likely to be loyal, less willing to consider competing offers and more likely to spread word-of-mouth around about their bank."

Tasty Tidbits from the past week...

2008-10-08T18:44:00.000-07:00

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A new government acronym is born.

Watch politicians for the next decade talk about EESA, or the... Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008. This 3 page, then 110 page and now 451 page document spells out how the $700 billion will be spent. We are geeks and read it. What is interesting is that everything past page 113 are extras having nothing to do with the bailout. We especially love the addition at the bottom of page 300 (Sec 505: Exemption From Excise Tax For Certain Wooden Arrows Designed For Use By Children).

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Sarah Palin apparently thinks David D. McKiernan, the current Commander of the International Security Assistance Force in Afghanistan is in fact George Brinton McClellan a major general for the Union army during the American Civil War.

Also loved when she called her opponent O'Biden. One heartbeat away, you betcha!

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Virgin Airlines wusses out and names their airline experience Airphoria.

We get it, you get euphoric while you are in the air. Why not just use the real word? Lame.

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We love House. In this week's episode, the patient du jour was having a reaction to three unnamed clinical trial drugs he was taking as a guinea pig. House wanted to give the medications a name so he based them on his three minions. The names of the medicines were, Bisexidrine, Cuckoldisol and WorldSorestKneesisil. Watch the episode, it'll make sense then.

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Here is the Namethis.com lame name of the week:

This week we have a tie:

For "a gym which have been in operation for some time in Sunshine Coast are looking to change names and change business direction to become more of a boutique personal training studio than a gym."

The winner is Mevolutionfitness.com. The client has not snapped this winner up as of 2:37AM 10-04-08

a Global Lifestyle Hotel that is Unconventional, Transgenerational, Social, Eclectic, Sexy -but not obviously so."

The winner is Communinnty.com. The client has not snapped this winner up as of 2:37AM 10-04-08

Last week's fav, "Pixelouvre.com", is also still available.

According to the website they have "rewarded" $20,670 to their crowdsource community to date. Since they "reward" 80% of their income, that means Namethis.com's gross profit is $5,176.50 for the four months they have been active. That equates to $1,291.88 per month. From this they have to cover all payroll, rent, latte's, antacid, cell phone charges to their VC investors explaining how $1,291.88 a month before expenses is an adequate return on their $3,000,000 investment, aspirin, therapist fees, thesaurus to come up with new terms for "start up phase" and Internet access to Monster.com for searching for their next job.

Another toast for Eat My Words - Square One Vodka

2008-10-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

Longtime Eat My Words client and Square One Organic Spirits Founder and CEO Allison Evanow is the rockstar Make Mine a Million $ Business winner who encouraged Alexandra to enter the competition. (See these posts for more on Alexandra's big win.) Here's what Allison had to say about working with Alexandra and the team at Eat My Words over the years...

"Alexandra is a top-notch naming consultant thanks to her creativity and innate abilities to find highly impactful naming solutions for her clients. She has named several of our cocktails and written taglines for us that we have used in our products and marketing materials. She is definitely our go-to person when we need a great name, tagline, copywriting, etc. for our products. She is very easy to work with and very quick on the turn-around. We will be certain to work with her again on future projects."

For more gushing testimonials, see our bragadocious Reviews page on the Eat My Words website.

Hey Name Boy, Don't Quit Your Day Job

2008-09-30T18:15:00.000-07:00

Every week, wannabe namers from around the world stumble upon our Dream Jobs page and take our naming test to see if they have what it takes to be an Eat My Words namer. (So far, only 5 creative geniuses have passed.) The test is simple (at least for us)... "Send us 20 names for a sleek new external hard drive that stores an enormous amount of data." While we certainly have seen our share of hideous names that appear to have been created by our old-school competitors, at least the people that send them in are usually quite humble, sometimes even begging. But today, a wannabe Name Boy had a little attitude. Here is the email he sent:

From: (name withheld to protect the identity)
Subject: Just one
To: dreamjobs@eatmywords.com.
Date: Tuesday, September 30, 2008, 9:24 AM

new external hard drive that stores an enormous amount of data:

Drive Outside

Go on and play with this . . .

Just one? One bad one? Don't quit your day job, Name Boy. Or as Mik says, "Hey Name Boy, go drive off a cliff." For more bad namer test submissions, check out this previous post.

Gushing Testimonials from our Happy Clients

2008-09-29T18:11:00.000-07:00

Here are some recent testimonials from clients who loved working with Alexandra and the talented team at Eat My Words. For more glowing recommendations, visit our Reviews page.

"Alexandra is truly innovative and distinctive in the business she has built. Recently, a naming exercise came into play at IHG. Because I had experienced good work with Alexandra while VP of Consumer Insights at Dunkin' Brands, I reached out to her company once more.

I received from Eat My Words, on very short notice, a very thoughtful and creative list of potential names for a new Holiday Inn venture. The creativity of Alexandra and team allowed us to perform true "due diligence" as part of our branding work, and we hold her in high esteem for that. We definitely plan to tap into Eat my Words for a project in the Spring ... and what higher advocacy measure is there than, "I plan to use this group again!"

Truly, Alexandra and team are smart boutique shop masters who take you to levels in your marketing work that are not experienced amongst more traditional suppliers. "

- Regina Lewis, PhD

SVP, Global Insights, InterContinental Hotels Group

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"I engaged Alexandra to work on the naming of a new business - Wavelength. I would describe the experience as seamless, professional and quite frankly inspirational! From the outset the questions posed made us really think about what we were trying to achieve, and the 100's of ideas Alex and her team generated made us pause, ponder and often quite often laugh!!

We were truly delighted with her final recommendation, we'd never have come up with the name without her and can't recommend her services highly enough."

- Adrian Simpson

Chief Connector, Wavelength Companies, Ltd

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"I hired Alexandra to help name my company because she thinks out of the box, but also is very down to earth in her approach - for example, no bizarre spellings! But most importantly, she really understood my business and me, and took a very human approach to the task. Moreover, she delivered things on time, professionally, and held my hand throughout the entire process, including getting the name and URL registered. Can't recommend her enough."

- Charlene Li

Founder, Altimeter Group

Tasty Tidbits from the past week...

2008-09-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

Oracle announced its first hardware product this week, called Exadata. Yawn. Apparently, Oracle has been working on this product for three years. However, it sounds like they started working on the name part about three days ago and grabbed something off of a whiteboard at the last minute. We can't find a description anywhere on the Oracle website on the meaning of Exadata, but they show a picture of the product that has an "X" on it, so that makes it clear....

Also, there is a joint HP /Oracle product that is being simultaneously released, which they are calling....wait for it......the

HP Oracle Database Machine

Really? Isn't that a description rather than a name?

Oracle CEO Larry Ellison refers to the products as "radical new thinking". Maybe, but not so much for the names.

In the "Sure, That Will Fix the Problem" files comes this "rebranding" news from WPP Group's MindShare:

"The agency's North American senior executives are relinquishing their formal job titles. For example, Scott Neslund, CEO of Mindshare North America, will now be identified simply as Scott Neslund, Mindshare North America, the agency said."

In phase 2 of the job title changes to be implemented early next year, he will be identified simply as, "The Scottmeister".

Also, for no apparent reason, they will now be known as Mindshare, not MindShare. In related news, they are negotiating with the City of New York (their headquarters location) to change the city's spelling to neW yorK.

Interesting Trademark Lawsuit of the week: Intel is suing Intellife Travel for trademark infringement. We are all for protection of your trademark, but come on.....

One is a small travel agency specializing in travel between North America and China and one is the world's leader in semiconductor technology. Well, we're confused, but not in the way Intel thinks we are.

Techcrunch lays it all out for us.

We can't help our fascination with the trainwreck of an idea, Namethis.com. Watch later for our discussion why it cannot possibly succeed as a real business (hint: it has something to do with venture capital backers wanting an actual ROI). If anyone wants to give us $3 million, we'll tell you how to make it really work.

In the meantime, here is the Namethis.com lame name of the week: "Pixelouvre.com", an original name for a modern e-commerce art gallery. The company preferred a "one-word name" that "must be available as a .com". That one sentence alone explains dreck like Pixelouvre.com.

As anyone who knows anything about domain names knows, one-word names are all gone. Also, emphasis on names that must be available as .com forces the production of junk names. In any case, the explanation behind the creation of Pixelouvre.com is:

"pixel + louvre. pixel represents the ecommerce." (a pixel is a single point in a graphic image..how does that represent e-commerce exactly?) "louvre: an art museum that is a famous tourist attraction in Paris (Right.... Lucky it starts with an "L" or else it wouldn't have worked with pixe"l") "the domain is available" (there is a reason for that).

P.S. As of 6:00 am Pacific time on 09-26-08, Pixelouvre.com was still available, so maybe the company that bought the name doesn't want to waste another $9.99 to lock up this winner. We were going to buy it on a lark, but decided we didn't want to face a Pixelouvre.com domain dispute dustup. For free, we offer the following (domain names available) as backups: PixelSmithsonian.com, PixelMuseumOfModernArt.com and PixelTheGetty.com.

Doctor slang is a dying art.

2008-09-25T13:27:00.000-07:00

Is doctor slang on the wane?

From the BBC

The inventive language created by doctors the world over to insult their patients - or each other - is in danger of becoming extinct.

So says a doctor who has spent four years charting more than 200 colourful examples.

Medicine is a profession already overflowing with acronyms and technical terms, and doctors over the years have invented plenty of their own.

However, Dr Adam Fox, who works at St Mary's Hospital in London as a specialist registrar in its child allergy unit, says that far fewer doctors now annotate notes with abbreviations designed to spell out the unsayable truth about their patients.

TOP MEDICAL ABBREVIATIONS
CTD - Circling the Drain (A patient expected to die soon)
GLM - Good looking Mum
GPO - Good for Parts Only
TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury
The increasing rate of litigation means that there is a far higher chance that doctors will be asked in court to explain the exact meaning of NFN (Normal for Norfolk), FLK (Funny looking kid) or GROLIES (Guardian Reader Of Low Intelligence in Ethnic Skirt).

Dr Fox recounts the tale of one doctor who had scribbled TTFO - an expletive expression roughly translated as "Told To Go Away" - on a patient's notes.

He told BBC News Online: "This guy was asked by the judge what the acronym meant, and luckily for him he had the presence of mind to say: 'To take fluids orally'."

Quaint up North

Regional dialects abound, even in the world of the medical abbreviation.

In the north of England, the TTR (Tea Time Review) of a patient is commonplace, but not in the south.

And the number of terms for patients believed to be somewhat intellectually challenged is enormous.

Patient
"I can't believe what he just called me..."
From LOBNH (Lights On But Nobody Home), CNS-QNS (Central Nervous System - Quantity Not Sufficient), to the delightful term "pumpkin positive", which refers to the implication that a penlight shone into the patient's mouth would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up.

Regular visitors to A&E on a Friday or Saturday night are also classified.

DBI refers to "Dirt Bag Index", and multiplies the number of tattoos with the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed.

A PFO refers to a drunken patient who sustained injury falling over, while a PGT "Got Thumped" instead.

MEDICAL TERMS - A GLOSSARY
Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery
Departure lounge - geriatric ward
Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag
Woolworth's Test - Anaesthetic term (if you can imagine patient shopping in Woolies, it's safe to give a general anaesthetic)
This is an international language - Dr Fox's research reveals that a PIMBA in Brazil can be translated as a "swollen-footed, drunk, run-over beggar".

Doctor insult

And much of the slang is directed at colleagues rather than patients.

Thus rheumatology, considered by hard-pressed juniors one of the less busy specialties, becomes "rheumaholiday", the "Freud Squad" are psychiatrists, and "Gassers" and "Slashers" are anaesthetists and general surgeons respectively.

Dr Fox is keen to point out that neither he, nor the other authors of the paper, published in the journal Ethics and Behavior, actually advocate using any of the terms.

He said: "It's a form of communication, and it needs to be recorded.

"It may not be around forever."

He said: "I do think that doctors are genuinely more respectful of their patients these days."

If that is the case, perhaps the delights of a "Whopper with Cheese", "Handbag positive" or "Coffin dodger" could be lost forever.

Report from the Winner's Circle: Make Mine a Million $ Business

2008-09-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

As reported on Friday from the finals in Albuquerque, I am now an official Winner of the Make Mine a Million $ Business Program sponsored by American Express. I could not have done this without the dozens of clients and friends who gave me their support, help and a big boost of confidence as I prepared for the competition over the last four months. The finals were exhausting... day one was hours of speech rehearsals and tiara fittings. This won't surprise any of you in my Toastmasters Club or National Speakers Association ProTrack group, but I was the only one of the 20 finalists who did not have my speech brutally critiqued by the Count Me In staff and professional speech coach. They were pretty harsh on the finalists, calling some of the speeches "boring," and even trashing some women's hairstyles and jewelry. Ouch! While I received lots of kudos on my speech and they didn't change a word, someone did point out that I had memorized my speech, but with 15 mandatory points to communicate in three minutes about myself and Eat My Words, I couldn't just wing it. I sailed through it on stage on Thursday morning and was announced as one of the 10 winners later that afternoon.

My prizes include a $1000 Dell gift card (which I am using to buy a new camera and TV), professional coaching, mentoring, and most importantly, lots of visibility - the American Express PR Machine goes into overtime to promote the winners. Plus, I will be part of an exclusive Yahoo Group, just for M3 finalists and winners - this will be invaluable.

All of the winners are dynamic women with interesting businesses. (Pictured here, left to right: Carla Falcone, Lana Hutchison, Alexandra Watkins, and Kimbra Orr)

Here are the 10 winners:

Alexandra Watkins

Eat My Words

www.eatmywords.com

San Francisco, CA

Eat My Words is a creative branding firm that creates unforgettable brand names and taglines that make emotional connections with consumers, build instant affinity for the brand, and have proven Return On Investment. The firm consistently delivers powerful, unexpected names that lend themselves to wordplay, brand-extensions and merchandising opportunities. Eat My Words is the only naming firm that monetizes names for clients including Spoon Me frozen yogurt, Frigid gourmet ice cream, and Stuff a Sock In It laundromat.

Carla Falcone & Romy Taormina

Psi Health Solutions, Inc.

www.psibands.com

Pacific Grove, CA

Psi Health Solutions, Inc. sells Psi Bands (pronounced "Sigh Bands"): drug-free wrist bands for the relief of nausea due to morning sickness (pregnancy), motion sickness/ travel, chemotherapy, and anesthesia. FDA-cleared Psi Bands are unlike any other product on the market in that they are: fashionable, adjustable around the wrist and at the acupressure point for personalized comfort, waterproof (no more soggy wrist bands), reusable, and affordable.

Lana Hutchison

Hutchison Assisted Living Services, Inc.

Albuquerque, NM

Hutchison Assisted Living Services, Inc. operates a licensed Adult Residential Shelter Care Home called Andrew House providing assisted living services to individuals. Services include housekeeping, meal preparation, bathing, grooming, medication assistance and general supervision. Lana strives to offer assisted living to the elderly seeking a comfortable atmosphere at a reasonable expense.

Kimbra Orr

Kimbra Studios

www.kimbrastudios.com

Littleton, CO

Kimbra Studios produces solid sterling custom photo jewelry and accessory pieces. Customers can upload, manipulate and view how their photos will look in pieces of jewelry at the website. The jewelry is solid sterling silver and the photos are completely waterproof, making them heirloom pieces.

Tarin Wilson

plan A events, LLC

www.planAevents.com

Beverly Hills, CA

plan A events, LLC is an event production and management company organizing events of all sizes with an emphasis on detail and quality. They specialize in corporate events and parties, fundraisers/auctions, awards shows, festivals, movie premieres, and receptions.

Krista Branch

Peak Educational Services

www.peakteam.com

Flagstaff, AZ

Peak Educational Services is a multidisciplinary organization that works with schools and agencies in Northern Arizona and on the Navajo Nation by serving the individual needs of the child and family through professional, caring relationships. Peak provides highly needed therapy services to schools including School Psychology, Speech-Language Therapy, Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Special Education Instruction and Counseling.

Carol Gaab

TPRS Publishing, Inc.

www.tprstorytelling.com

Chandler, AZ

TPRS Publishing, Inc. produces and publishes Foreign Language readers, textbooks and teacher training materials that are based on a specific method called Teaching Proficiency through Reading and Storytelling. It is an input based methodology that focuses on activities and techniques that expose the learner to an abundance of authentic language in a condensed period of time.

Nadine Johnson

Sous Kitchen, Inc.

www.souskitchen.com

San Carlos, CA

Sous Kitchen, Inc. provides customers with chef-prepared, frozen dinner kits to cook at home. Customers can prepare their own meals at Sous Kitchen or call ahead and have their meals prepared for them. They also have the option of picking up their meals at the kitchen or having the meals delivered to their home or workplace.

Barbara Spohn-Lillo

Prosthetic Illusions Inc

www.prostheticillusions.com

Lakewood, CO

Prosthetic Illusions Inc specializes in creating custom artificial eyes, facial prosthetics, partial digits, and custom breast prostheses. Creating prosthetics requires a graceful combination of technique, artisanship and attention to detail, to which Barbara and her company are dedicated.

Theresa Stelter

Hillcreek Designs

www.hillcreekdesigns.com

Santee, CA

Hillcreek Designs sells buttons with a folk art finish. Each button is hand dyed and packaged for retail and wholesale clients worldwide. Catering to quilt and craft stores, Hillcreek Designs also sells linen thread, wire quilt hangers, patterns and simple stitch templates. Hillcreek Designs also works with designers for their specific projects or books. The buttons have a matte surface, rich in color, and are washable.

Alexandra Watkins Wins Make Mine a Million Contest!

2008-09-18T09:23:00.000-07:00

We previously announced that our own Alexandra Watkins was a finalist for The Make Mine a Program from Count Me In for Women's Economic Independence.

We can NOW announce that as of a few minutes ago, she was picked as a winner! While none of us here at Eat My Words ever had any doubt, we were nonetheless on the proverbial pins and needles until the announcement. Alexandra worked very hard to come this far this fast, and this win validates it all.

We will fill you in with more details on what all this means next week when Alexandra gets back from a well deserved weekend in New Mexico.

Congratulations Alexandra!

Spoon Me a healthy, green yogurt shop

2008-09-17T09:16:00.000-07:00

Spoon Me franchise owner Carolee Millet, left, and Spoon Me founder and CEO Ryan Combe inside the new Sandy location. The interior is eco-friendly and the yogurt had no artificial ingredients.

Spoon Me a healthy, green yogurt shop

By Lesley Mitchell

The Salt Lake Tribune

09/16/2008

SANDY, UTAH - You won't find the typical vanilla, chocolate or strawberry flavors at the Spoon Me frozen yogurt shop.

In their places are more mysterious flavors - acai (berry from Brazil), green tea or "natural."

The Utah-based chain, with locations in Sandy, downtown Salt Lake City, Provo and St. George, is among a number of companies popping up nationwide that aim to provide a hip alternative to the frozen yogurt-shop concept that soared in the '80s, only to fizzle somewhat in recent years.

"There's definitely a growing trend toward a healthier dessert product," said Spoon Me co-founder Ryan Combe.

Aside from Spoon Me, there are other stores with trendy frozen yogurt concepts opening up, including Red Mango, which has three Utah locations. Spoon Me, founded by Utah natives Combe and David Jaynes, is trying to set itself apart from competitors in a number of ways.

"I wanted to create something more marketable" than the other offerings, Combe said. "And I wanted something more responsible" in terms of the environment and community.

The chain uses as many environmentally friendly products as possible in its stores, from spoons made out of corn starch to highly biodegradable cups to hold the yogurt. Virtually everything that goes into the stores, from the paint and light fixtures to the toilets in the restrooms, are designed to be easy on the

environment.

Although Combe, 26, said he hasn't spent a lot of time working in the restaurant industry, he does have the pedigree: He said his uncle was involved in the Arctic Circle hamburger chain and his cousins run the Warrens and Dylan's fast-food chains in Utah.

But he's also trying something vastly different, especially for conservative Utah. Marketing phrases such as "Go on, Spoon Me. You know you want it," and "If you love me, spoon me," say it all.

Combe said he was living in California "surfing a lot" when he and Jaynes, 32, then a vice president for Lehman Brothers in California, decided to become entrepreneurs.

The pair, with a third partner, Utah orthopedic surgeon Wayne Mortensen, opened the first Spoon Me in downtown Salt Lake City in October. The Sandy location, the first franchise and one owned by Combe's aunt, Carolee Millet, opened in June.

The Provo location, which is corporate owned, opened its doors in July, with a store owned by another franchisee opening in St. George at the end of August. Spoon Me's yogurt product is different enough to put off some fans of the traditional sugar-laden varieties of the past. Its three varieties are a bit tart and for the uninitiated may seem a bit more like sorbet than frozen yogurt.

But there is apparently plenty of demand for the concept. Existing stores are doing well, Combe said, and franchisees are planning several additional locations.

The next location, this one also company owned, is scheduled to open at the end of the month on the Arizona State University campus in Tempe. Additional locations, all franchises, are planned for Ogden, Orem and American Fork, as well as Austin, Texas, and Las Vegas.

Spoon Me stocks the three flavors of frozen yogurt and numerous toppings of fruit or nuts for health-conscious customers, and Fruit Pebbles, Nilla Wafers and Oreo toppings for those who want more sinful alternatives.

Prices range from $2.50 for the smallest size of "Natural" yogurt without a topping to $6.75 for the largest Green Tea or Acai-flavored cup with three toppings.

On a recent weekday afternoon, south valley resident Angie Davidson brought her mother, in town from Seattle, in for her first taste of Spoon Me.

Davidson said she has been in the shop a few times since it's opened.

"I told her she just had to come taste this," Angie Davidson said.

Her mother, Bobbie Zavala, gave it a thumbs up. "It's a totally different taste. It's very, very good."

Tasty Tidbits from the past week...

2008-09-13T05:18:00.000-07:00

Nordstrom's is advertising BCBGMAXAZRIA, which we guess is some kind of clothing line that in no way wants customers to remember them.

improvA is a new online tutoring site. We're not sure if it's pronounced with a long or short "A", but we are sure the name should sit in the corner with a dunce cap on. If that is not bad enough, they have a "customized personal tutoring" service called improvA+. Not so smart for a tutoring company to basically compete with themselves by saying their basic service is not that good. It reminds us of another name that makes us cringe: Learnia.

We're not convinced that the whole crowdsuckingsourcing thing is viable, but another new entry has floated to the surface anyway. It is Authonomy, described on their site as:

"authonomy invites unpublished and self published authors to post their manuscripts for visitors to read online. Authors create their own personal page on the site to host their project - and must make at least 10,000 words available for the public to read.

Visitors to authonomy can comment on these submissions – and can personally recommend their favourites to the community. authonomy counts the number of recommendations each book receives, and uses it to rank the books on the site. It also spots which visitors consistently recommend the best books – and uses that info to rank the most influential trend spotters.

We hope the authonomy community will guide publishers straight to the freshest writing talent – and will give passionate and thoughtful readers a real chance to influence what’s on our shelves."

We think it will collapse from the weight of the copyright infringement lawsuits that will abound by putting unpublished manuscripts online.

Oh, and the name is awful.

Note to Journalists:

Please stop using this headline for stories about naming:

What's in a name?

It stopped being remotely clever about 414 years ago. Today in Google News a search for "What's in a name" returns 183 news stories using the title in the last month alone. Some examples:

What's in a name? New Yorkers are about to find out with their new stadium

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. What's in a name?

What's in a name: Try a fresh, summer Caesar salad

Bottled water: What's in a name?

Yawn.

Namethis.com lame name of the week: "Hirelyzer", a pre-employment screening service. We especially loved the description of the name..."This bomb name is the sum of hire + (ana)lyzer."

We at least agree it's a bomb.

New Dish from Eat My Words

2008-09-11T05:01:00.000-07:00

Lots of excitement going on at Eat My Words besides Alexandra being selected as a finalist in the Make Mine a Million Dollar Business program. (See next post.) Our wildly colorful office is being featured in a new book called Boutique Offices. Our upstairs has a fresh new look - no more Client Crash Pad. Rena Wessels is our new whip smart Office Manager. Her Great Dane puppy, cleverly named Get Off the Couch, (aka Sofie or as Alexandra calls her, Sofa), is also a welcome addition. Heidi and Sherry are now happily pursuing their true passions. Our superstar Sous Chef, Gina, continues to impress us with her proliferation of creative names and taglines. And Mik continues to be our knight in shinning flannel, acting as our business strategist, blogger, web guy, and of course, rockstar namer. We have many new clients including InterContinental Hotels Group, Long John Silvers, and Altec Lansing, makers of fine audio products. We're very excited about the later, whom we are helping transition from alpha-numeric names to evocative whole word names. Stay tuned for news on those... If you haven't snacked on our fun website lately, check it out to see our revamped Name Dropping page, which now features some of our success stories. There are also new additions to our Portfolio and Press Page, including this week's coverage of Alexandra in MarketWatch.

San Francisco's Eat My Words Makes Million Dollar Business Finals

2008-09-11T04:45:00.001-07:00

Founder Competes for Financing, Mentoring, and Other Prizes to Help Catapult Her Businesses' Revenue to a Million Dollars

SAN FRANCISCO, CA, Sep 09, 2008 -- Business growth program, Make Mine A Million $ Business(TM), selected Alexandra Watkins of Nationally Acclaimed Naming Firm, Eat My Words, as one of twenty finalists to compete for an awards package at the New Mexico event on September 18, 2008. The event will feature female entrepreneurs from New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, and California who competed for business development packages including money, marketing, mentoring and technology assistance to help their businesses grow into million-dollar enterprises.

The upcoming competition provides the twenty finalists the opportunity to present their business in a three-minute "elevator pitch" to a panel of business experts and a live audience. Ten winners will be chosen by the audience and judges.

Watkins founded Eat My Words in 2005, a distinctively different naming firm whose primary passion is generating conceptual, unforgettable names and taglines, after a successful 15-year career as an advertising copywriter where she discovered she had a passion for naming things. Without a college education or any formal business training, the 44-year-old entrepreneur has turned her passion into a company with clients like Frito Lay, Del Monte, Plantronics, InterContinental Hotels and infomercial giant Guthy-Renker.

Finalists will receive several of the key components of the Make Mine a Million $ Business awards package that will help their businesses break the million-dollar barrier, which includes inspiration, community, business coaching and mentoring from a "dream" team of coaches and business experts from Count Me In, and select discounts from national sponsors.

Launched in 2005 by Count Me In for Women's Economic Independence and founding partner American Express OPEN, the Make Mine a Million $ Business program was created to help post-start up, women-owned businesses grow to one million dollars in annual revenue. Since its inception, the program has hosted 18 competitions in cities around the country and grown into a nationwide movement. For this year's event, more than 400 applications were submitted in hopes of securing one of the finalist spots.

For more information about how women can grow their businesses please visit www.makemineamillion.org.

Frigid, Mixin' Vixens Stuff a Sock In It

2008-09-11T04:38:00.000-07:00

If you guessed that Frigid, Mixin' Vixens, and Stuff a Sock In It are all cool brand names created by Eat My Words, congratulations! Bonus points if you figured out that Frigid is the name of a gourmet ice cream store, Mixin' Vixens is an all-women bartender service, and Stuff a Sock In It is a laundromat. When you see or hear an "Eat My Words name," you'll never ask what it means, how to pronounce it, or "What were they smoking?!" Our super-likable names make powerful emotional connections, build instant brand affinity, and make our clients rich. Yes, rich. We are the only naming firm that monetizes names. For instance, we turned the name Frigid into cold hard cash for our client by creating a t-shirt for them that says, "Not tonight dear, I have an ice cream headache." Ca-ching! Our Stuff a Sock In It client will be slapping their new logo on laundry bags, t-shirts, and other merchandise geared at their college kid customers. Ca-ching!

Of course, the client who is monetizing the bejesus out of their Eat My Words name is Spoon Me, the frozen yogurt store that is one of the hottest franchises in the country. They are selling Spoon Me pajamas, booty shorts, underwear, baby clothes, stickers, buttons and of course t-shirts with slogans we created like "Shut Up and Spoon Me." Ca-ching! Ca-ching! Ca-ching!

Would someone buy a t-shirt with your company or product name on it and pay you to advertise your brand? To see if your name has potential, take the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test, which was recently featured in The Wall Street Journal.